Frerard - Guys Like Us

Alone and Apart

Trigger warning for mentions on non-con/SA in this chapter

The following weeks were torture for both men; each trying to avoid the other, all the while desperate to be with them.

They dealt with the fallout in different ways. Frank spent his time alone or with Pete, but was unavoidably getting dragged into Bert's world. He had no real choice in the matter, as he had become pretty much friendless and had no one to look out for him. Bob would do what he could to keep Frank away from Bert and his cronies, giving him extra kitchen or laundry duties, but he'd heard that Bert had gotten to him and he was worried about what went on when he wasn't on duty. Bert would have his men bring Frank to his cell whenever he felt horny, and simply use him for his own gratification. Frank had desperately fought it at first, thrashing out wildly at Bert whenever he tried to take advantage. He would kick and scream, until it had come to a point where he simply couldn't stop the inevitable. Bert overpowered him and had a seemingly army of men to help keep Frank under control. Frank eventually gave in and would just lie silently and allow Bert to do what he wanted to him, knowing it was pointless fighting it. He would just silently pray for the ordeal to be over with as quickly as possible. Bert would fuck him or suck him off whenever he got the urge and Frank became soulless and simply lost the will to fight back.

He would hide away as much as possible, but it became more like a game to Bert, and Frank was his little fuck toy to use and abuse whenever he felt like it. He would cry at night, both from the fear and hatred of Bert, but also from the loss of Gerard. He only had himself to blame as he saw it, and in his messed up mind, this was what he deserved for being so judgmental towards Gerard and not giving him a chance to explain. He couldn't blame him for hating him really.

Gerard certainly didn't hate Frank. If anything, he felt more for him than ever, longing to talk to him again. He just couldn't do it though. He was a stubborn fucker and he had been so hurt by Frank that he couldn't bring himself to justify his actions or offer any forgiveness. He built up his walls again, refusing to show any hurt to anyone other than Ray. He wanted to be feared again, knowing that his reputation had taken a bit of a battering since Frank's arrival, and hearing other inmates saying he'd gone soft. So he upped the attitude and swagger and caused as much shit for the guards as he possibly could. Ray was the only one who knew him inside out. He once admired Gerard's tough exterior and felt somewhat safe being part of his 'family', but after spending most of his time with him, he knew it was all a facade. Gerard was the least scary person imaginable - just an incredible actor who managed to put the fear of God into others. After a turbulent couple of weeks, Ray finally managed to get Gerard to open up and talk. Reluctantly he revealed to him his feelings for Frank, and divulged what had happened between the two of them. Ray tried to persuade him to give Frank another chance, but knew how proud his friend was. He knew Gerard wouldn't let his pride be dented any more than it already was by giving Frank another opportunity to hurt him in the future. It was clearly making both him and Frank sad though, and Ray didn't like to see Gerard (who was usually so together) coming apart at the seams. Still, he just had to be there for his friend. He knew he was his only confidante and nobody else would realise that he was feeling so vulnerable.

To anyone looking inward, Gerard was back to the old Gerard and not to be messed with. He began to have men around his cell again, in the vain attempt to forget Frank. He would offer himself up to whoever wanted him and blow any guy that asked. He was basically allowing himself to be used by others as a distraction from the man he truly wanted. He would bend over for anyone in the hope of forgetting how he felt about Frank. That sex might be the answer. It wasn't, and he would lie on his bed at night, feeling truly disgusted with himself. He was achieving nothing - Frank was still constantly at the forefront of his mind.