It's a Spider Thing. {Peter Parker and Natasha Romanoff}

{16} time to recite justin bieber lyrics

"- ON WHAT PLANET IS FAKING AN UNCLE and living in a farmhouse a good idea? You're both idiots and I'm never leaving you alone together again."

Natasha's angry ramble paused for a moment. She was pacing.

Both Clint and Peter were sat on the couch in front of the assassin, having been dragged by their ears to the living room once Nat had arrived back in the apartment after having "an interesting conversation with Tony about a Peter Parker" who looked and seemed suspiciously like her Peter- "the Peter who was Spiderman and should have been keeping a low profile." Currently, said Peter was sat staring at his hands while his cheeks flared pink as Natasha essentially called them out on their dumbassary, whereas Clint looked more like the rebellious teen with his arms crossed defiantly over his chest. Every now and again he would mumble something, and Natasha would scowl in his direction until he shut up again.

"I might kill you. Both of you. And bloody Barney too while I'm at it." Natasha huffed, dropping down on the couch between the two of them, lips pursed.

"If Barney was here, I'd shoot him for enabling your stupid ideas."

"Who wouldn't kill Barney?" Mused Clint as Natasha elbowed him- Peter snickered.

There was a moment of silence as the trio revelled in being back together again, their sides pressed together as they squeezed onto the couch. Then Peter cleared his throat. "For the record," He piped up, "I wanted to call you." Natasha smirked at the tv as Clint spluttered beside her.

"What about dignity Parker?"

"Do you have any? I saw you drink week old coffee once." Natasha snorted at the comment and even more at Clint's squeak of offence whilst she ruffled Peter's hair- he relaxed at the touch, permitting a rare and peaceful smile to grace his features.

"God, I missed you two idiots- now shut up and watch tv, Harry Potter is on."

-

Harley: are lobsters mermaids to scorpions?

Peter: it's almost midnight keener

Peter: why are you texting me?

Harley: boredom

Harley: and you reply despite the complaints

Harley: what are you doing?

Peter: sleeping

Harley: what you doing later?

Peter: sleeping

Harley: whelp

Harley: we should meet, like tomorrow

Harley: or the weekend

Harley: Hello?

Harley: dude respond to me or this will never end

Harley: aight... time to recite Justin Bieber lyrics

Peter: I'm here! I'm here!

Peter: I'm too young to die, please no

Harley: hi :)

Harley: we should meeeeet

Peter: why?

Harley: 'cos you're cool duh

Harley: and I've just moved to New York soooo

Harley: be my tour guide?

Peter: you sing one Justin Bieber song

Peter: and I'll guide you off a cliff :)

Harley: awesome! text you tomorrow?

Peter: sure keener

Harley: it's a date ;)

Peter: whatever -_-

-

The next morning Peter emerged from his bedroom at a reasonable hour, looking half respectful instead of his usual gremlin self that Natasha had grown accustomed to over the months.

She squinted at him, not even trying to mask her obvious suspicion.

Natasha had no problems with Peter wanting to leave the house- hell, she would drop him off anywhere in the city that he wanted to go if it meant he got some fresh air, sunlight and interacted with people who weren't assassins or agents, or an idiot in Clint's case. But he had never had much desire to leave the apartment unless it was to patrol- and he was lacking the spider suit.

Sensing her curious stare, Peter arched an eyebrow in question.

He was fumbling about the apartment as the redhead trailed after him. "Where you off to kid?" She casually leaned against the doorframe leading to the kitchen. Determinedly, Peter hopped about on one foot as he pulled on a shoe- it was thoroughly entertaining to watch.

Peter barely looked up when he spoke.

"I'm meeting this kid from my class." He distractedly reached for his rucksack that contained his headphones and a raincoat- Natasha had seen him come back home one too many times looking like a drowned rat because he'd decided a jacket was too much effort- she refused to give him sympathy if he caught a cold, hence the jacket.

"He's just moved to New York, so I offered to show him around." Peter added, finally looking at Natasha who nodded in confirmation.

"So, what's the name of this impossible being who dragged you out of bed before lunch?" She wiggled her eyebrows- Peter was painfully oblivious to her insinuation.

"You're not running a background check on him." He sighed resignedly.

"I never said that." Natasha grinned; she was secretly quite pleased with the idea of Peter taking an interest in someone that was his age and normal.

"You didn't have to."

"Whatever Spidey. Just be back by ten and call if you need picking up- have fun on your date kid." Natasha practically cackled when Peter evaded her outstretched hand when she moved to ruffle his hair; he hadn't spent fifteen minutes in the bathroom for nothing.

"It's not a date." He huffed, fixing his jumper, and slinging the rucksack onto his back.

"Whatever it is- have fun, but not too much." Nat winked. Peter turned bright red.

Instead of commenting further on the subject of his not-date, he practically bolted to the door as fast as he could. "Maybe I could meet him-" Natasha announced as she cocked the handgun from the coffee table casually as he passed.

"Bye 'Tasha!" Peter shouted through the apartment door before he rushed down the stairs. 

A/N

Harley will be arriving!! I love the gremlin. And Natasha teasing Peter and him being oblivious is the peak of their dynamic, sorry, I don't make the rules :/

Anywho, let me know of any spelling mistakes! xoxo.