It's a Spider Thing. {Peter Parker and Natasha Romanoff}

{43} could i guilt trip jarvis?

"- NO ROBOT WARS or potato guns and Jarvis is in charge till I get back."

There was the sound of distinct exasperation, followed by the protest; "Jarvis is an AI!" by Harley as he watched the Ironman suit gather around Tony in the middle of the lab. The teen was seated on Peter's workbench, (which had become his usual seat over the few months Peter had been away), twiddling with some random screwdriver that he'd acquired to help hide the sudden nerves racing throughout his body.

Two months without Peter. Two whole freaking months- Harley didn't know if he could wait a few more hours to see him. To make sure he was alive.

"He's hell of a lot smarter than you kid." Tony deadpanned.

"He's literally a computer." Harley reminded, spinning around on the swivel chair.

Amusement danced in Tony's eyes as he rolled them on instinct, emitting a small sigh at the teen's dramatic tendencies that he'd somehow grown accustomed to. God he was gonna miss the kid. The mere idea of leaving Harley home alone and unattended was enough to make the billionaire's heart stutter in his chest- when did I become such a dad? He wondered meekly, before discarding the thought as quick as possible not wanting to poke that bag of self-doubt. He had a teenager to save.

"Call me if you need to." Tony said simply, though there was an undertone of worry.

Harley looked up as the suit stopped in front of him, the face plate revealing his mentor's expression of seriousness. He nodded, overexaggerating the gesture.

"I know all the protocols old man; backwards. You've only been having me memorise them for the past month."

"Yeah whatever-" Tony eased ever so slightly at the reminder, and the face plate dropped back into place, "-I want my tower still in one piece when I come back with your boyfriend." He huffed, ruffling Harley's hair who scowled at the action and batted away the outstretched hand.

Tony cackled.

"Jarvis keep the place on lockdown till we're back." He announced, making his way out of the lab.

Harley groaned again. "Your faith in me is overwhelming." he complained, sarcasm lacing his words.

Tony's laughter picked up again and echoed in the earpiece Harley slipped on as the man disappeared into the elevator. "I have more faith in Dum-E to put out a fire than you do-"

"The betrayal!" He hissed, pressing a hand dramatically to his chest despite the lack of visual- he would trust Tony's imagination to do him justice. "Besides, he sprays everything."

"Exactly. You'd add lighter fluid and laugh manically." Tony muttered, fighting back the laughter rising in his chest and the quirk of his lips that threatened to turn into a full-blown smile.

"Ouch." Harley faked a grimace as he walked across the lab, squinting suspiciously at the ceiling- he knew there was a high chance that Jarvis would rat him out before he even got to the workbench in one piece but he was hoping that the AI would turn a blind all-seeing eye for once.

"Get Dum-E to get you a band aid for your feelings."

"And I'm signing off." Harley sang, "Let me know when you arrive."

"Will do devil child." Tony happily replied, snickering at the nickname.

"Fossil." Harley stated simply in retaliation before the comm piece switched off.

A small breath escaped his lips as he wandered over to Tony's workbench, dropping down on the swivel chair and simultaneously pushing away a coffee cup as he brought up some of the billionaire's projects, sifting through them with a flick of his wrist until he found the one that he was looking for. The information was blocked out and the only thing in focus was a cartoon lock that Harley swore was taunting him the more he glared defiantly at it.

Harley scowled and hesitantly called out, "Jarvis?"

"Yes, Mister Keener?" Came the usual voice, sounding smug as ever. There was a moment of hesitation and Jarvis carried on, "Are you trying to access the 'Iron Lad Prototype Suit'?"

Harley winced; he could hear the accusation in the automated voice. "Maybe." he muttered, slumping in the swivel chair.

"I am under direct orders from Mr Stark himself to not give you access unless it-"

"- is an emergency, I know." Harley grumbled, pouting while he sunk further into the seat, limbs hanging off the edge uncomfortably, but he was committed.

Could I guilt trip Jarvis? He pondered.

There was no way Harley Keener was going to sit by and let the avengers do all the rescuing- Peter was his boyfriend for god's sake, he should at least help. Besides, he now had a suit! And the teen refused to be the damsel in distress again, no way. He was going to save Peter this time, no matter how hard his hands shook when he thought about going face to face with another Hydra goon.

"Mister Keener." Came Jarvis' voice, startling Harley who jolted on the chair in surprise; almost toppling off. He gripped the back of the seat before nodding with as much dignity as he could muster up in that moment. It wasn't much.

"Erm, yeah?" He squeaked out.

"Mr Stark gave me orders to prohibit access without an emergency present." Harley frowned; hadn't they been through this? "If there was an emergency happening; I could open the suit."

"I... know...?" Harley dumbly announced.

Jarvis almost sounded exasperated when he spoke again, it was vaguely reminiscent of the way he spoke to Tony when he was thinking up a dumb idea. "An emergency will open the suit. It would certainly be a shame if something life-threatening were to happen in your vicinity forcing me to allow you access to the suit in time for you to be of help in the rescuing of Mister Parker."

There was a moment of silence where Jarvis would have sworn that he saw the figurative gears turning painfully slow in Harley's head until he promptly beamed and jumped away from the work bench, mumbling to himself.

"I mean, I was going to try hacking-"

"- It would mostly be unfortunate if you were to light a flame using the flammable liquid sir keeps in the back of the lab-" Jarvis began; it could take all day if he left Harley to his own devices.

"- but your idea is way better and efficient, probably quicker too-" the teen grabbed an oil cloth and dipped it into the flammable liquid; after Jarvis popped the lid, claiming it was a malfunction to which Harley had merely laughed gleefully.

"- there is a blowtorch in the top of Mr Stark's desk-"

"- I gotta be quick so I can follow the quinjet. Thanks J!"

Harley bounded over to his work bench, grabbing the blowtorch on his way. He clicked it on and suddenly flames were dancing from the oil rag he dropped on the desk. Harley instinctively stepped backwards- maybe Tony was right, he grinned, I would add lighter fluid and smile manically.

"Does this count as life threatening?" Harley announced.

"I am the judge, and my decision is that it is indeed life threatening. The protocol, 'Dum-E Douses Everything in Sight' will be activated right away. I recommend you wear the 'Iron Lad Prototype Suit' and get to safety immediately Mister Keener."

The sound of the suit whirring to life made Harley draw in a sharp breath, but it was immediately knocked out of his lungs as the metal suit began wrapping itself around his body.

"Thanks Jarvis." He grinned breathlessly.

"I did nothing of aid, I simply followed protocol created by Mr Stark himself." there was a slight pause, "You are, however, welcome." He added, voice echoing inside the helmet as Harley's thrusters started and he was flying out of a window that had opened automatically.

Dum-E buzzed frantically as they put out the flames on the desk. And sprayed the wall. And the science equipment. And everything in sight. 

A/N

Okay this little sequence shows how chaotic Harley can be, and how lowkey badass Jarvis is and I love it with all my heart. :)

Anywho! Let me know of any spelling mistakes! xoxo.