Your All I Ever Needed (Calum Hood Fanfiction)

Chapter 4- No more lies

Calum POV
There they sat.. The six people I care so much about yet feared so much to face again... The tears automatically feel from my face and I regretted even asking Daniel to ask them here. My mind was screaming to run back to my room and never leave it again but my legs were like ice...
A voice broke me out of my thoughts and back to the real world

"Calum...dude"

Ashton spoke up stand up also with tears in his eyes.

I felt my legs give way... My whole body felt numb from this point on Ashton and River ran to me followed by Bee, Juls Luke and Mikey. I looked up and my eyes meet Rees I looked down, I felt ashamed of what I did because I knew I hurt everyone in this room. And that killed me.

Daniel came over and touched my arm.

"Come on Calum we need to do this"

The others scrambled to there seats and I stood up and sat in the chair next to Daniel.

"So I'm going to ask you guys some questions first. And I will warn you they my not be pleasant to talk about but I need to know the background of the story.. And how you guys felt.. Each of you. NowI want to know which one of you found Calum..."

Ashton POV
As soon as Daniel asked the question my whole body went numb remembering walking in on Calum... Well me and Ree. I looked at her and she grabbed my hand for reassurance.

"I... Um I did."

Calum mad eye contact with me.. For the first time since he walked in about 5 minutes ago and he looked so pained.

"Can you tell me what happened Ashton in detail"

I took in a deep breath and squeezed Rees hand and looked over at Daniel

"we all went out and Calum had left early because he wasn't feeling well. Me and river didn't really like the party either so we left about half an hour earlier so we could use the shower before anyone else. When we got there river was to tired to go first so I decided to go first and... And I walked in and... I saw... I saw him... Laying there" I chocked on my own words. It became so hard to speak.

I looked up at Daniel and he nodded. As if he knew how much pain I was in just talking about it. Then he looked at river, she took this the hardest, her and Calum were best friends since childhood. It killed her. I knew it did but she put up this shield, barrier of no emotion. She took it the hardest yet she was the strongest out of us all.

Calum POV
When Ashton spoke up I felt a instant sickness in my stomach. Of all people.. I knew that Ashton had a past with depression and of all people I didn't want him to be the one to find me. I didn't want any of them to find me but if anyone had to I prayed that it would have been Luke. He was the strongest out of the boys.

"River.. How did you feel when you saw Calum"

I looked over at river and our eyes made contact for the first time entering the room.

"I... I um I can't remember really but I just remember that my word broke down the minute I saw Calum laying there and Ashton's piercing crys.. Seeing the two of the most important people in my life and who I love the most in pain killed me. I just called the ambulance and then the others. And just held the cuts to stop the bleeding the best I could"

"That was a good and quick action river.. If you didn't make it Calum might not be here today"

I looked back down at my hands and I felt the lump in my throat in my throat form

"Who was next"

Bee out up her hands and I saw her little smile and I felt a smile form on my face. Me and bee had a weird relationship we fought like cat and dog but she gave me the best advice and she was my cuddle buddy. Mikey never minded because I knew nothing would go on between us.

"And how did you react what was your thoughts"

She was the only one to look at me. This is why I got in so well with her. She was so honest with me and I was with her. We could never lie to each other, we read each other like a book. Im just glad she wasn't on tour until later because I would have to of told her. Which I never wanted. I wanted to. Keep it a secret.

"I just froze. I mean I couldn't believe what Ree had told me over the phone but when I saw it I just felt faint. I wanted it to be me not him. And my thoughts... They were going crazy. I can't even remember what went through my head. But I just hoped he would be okay."

"Then it was me Luke and Juls"
Michael spoke up

"Luke broke down instantly and then Michael so I helped Ree try and keep him alive while we waited for the ambulance"

Daniel finished his notes... And looked at the others

"Now it's your turn... Ask Calum any question you want"

"Daniel what the hell this wasn't want we discussed"
I whispered to him so the others could hear me.

He ignored me and looked at the others.

Luke was the first to ask

"Why didn't you tell us.. How you felt"

I decided to just tell the truth, no more lies I want to be better for them, for me.

"Because I knew you guys would keep me under 24/7 watch and I didn't want that. I thought I could get better by myself but I couldn't"

Ashton spoke up

"You knew I went through this is as well, I could have helped you, you didn't have to do this yourself,"

"Exactly ash, if I had told you. You would still keep me under watch and the others would get suspicious and I didn't want that. I didn't want help"

"Why"

I looked towards. Her face said it all.. Anger...Hurt and confusion

"Why... Because of this... Cutting helped... I liked the feeling of hurting myself... Taking out my pain and anger on myself was my only way out... I didn't care I cut to deep... That I cut a vein... You guys took that away from me... I was happy to go but no! You have to come home early... One more minute and I would have been gone! I wanted to die!"

I shouted out... The tears were uncontrollable... Not just mine everyone's.

I Cleared my throat.

"Guys I didn't mean that I'm sorry okay I just... I guess I needed to get that off my chest. I didn't want to die but.. I guess if i ever did I knew I didn't care."

I sat down On the chair and I felt two strong arms around me and sobs from my shoulder I looked and saw Michael.

"None of that matters anymore as long as your okay that's the main thing cal. I love you dude"

I smiled for the first time in months it was because I felt loved and happy. I wrapped my arms around him and before I knew it I was surrounded by our whole group in tears.

This is when I knew I needed them more then I thought. And if I had gone how many people I'd be hurting. This has really opened my eyes..

Then the door slammed open

"Daniel... Quick we got code red... It's Kylie"