Battle Scars (A Bucky Barnes Fanfic)

Thirty-Four

It's been another year of us living in Wakanda. About a week after I told Bucky I was pregnant, I miscarried and told him I didn't want to try anymore for a while and he agreed. I've only let him down every time, despite what he says, I know it hurts him as much as it hurts me every time we lose a baby.

I sit on our bed reading one of my mom's journals, Bucky's currently working outside with our animals. I needed a break for a moment. Things have been really hard on me.

......................................................

Bucky:

It's late at night and it's another sleepless night for me. A lot of nights it's either I get nightmares or I can't sleep. I glance at Vega, who is sleeping currently peacefully next to me. She's had it rough for the last while, with every miscarriage she seems sadder every time and I know she feels like she's letting me down but that's not true, she's way too hard on herself.

I can't believe how lucky I am to have someone like her next to me after everything I've done. All the chaos I've created and how many lives I've ruined, still blows me away that she chose me and stood by my side through everything. How she always saw and continues to see the good in me when many don't. I still don't understand why someone like her could love someone like me.

I'm brought out of my thoughts when Vega stirs next to me. I lay back down and gather her to me with my one arm and kiss the top of her head and say:

"Sleep"

I smile as she hums in content, hugging me closer before falling back to sleep. I kiss the top of her head again and close my eyes, trying to go back to sleep as well.

......................................................

Vega:

The next morning I sit by the tree watching Bucky work. He told me to take a break a few minutes ago, so here I am, just watching him and being lost in my own thoughts. With everything that's happened, I have a lot to think about, we both do. We both still get nightmares and have sleepless nights and sometimes we have flashbacks at random times but we're healing, we're doing better than we were, we might always have those mental and physical battle scars but we're fighting.

Bucky approaches me and I look up at him and smile softly. He sits next to me and I take his hand and he kisses the back of mine.

"You seemed lost in thought, you ok?" he asks.

"I realized I'm afraid"

His expression changes to one of concern "Why?"

"I'm afraid because I know I can't fight forever"

"Can't fight what?" Bucky brushes some hair out of my face.

"Everything, the pain, the memories, the sadness, whatever might come for us next. I'm so tired of fighting. I've been fighting my whole life, I just want to be at peace"

Bucky pulls me to him and kisses my head "I know, me too."

"Do you think we ever will be fully at peace? No more fighting? I'd be able to handle the memories and shit if I didn't fear the possibility of another fight"

Bucky kisses my forehead and says, "I hope so, one day maybe"

Later Bucky and I lay in bed, side by side. He pulls me to him and kisses me. I pull my shirt off and he sits up.

"Vega-"

"Just kiss me," I say.

He complies and I roll us so I'm on top of him, his hand tangles in my black curls pulling my head closer to him, our lips melding, our tongues moving together. I help him out of his shirt and I kiss along his scars and his neck.

"I love you," he says.

"I love you too" I reply before he captures my lips again.