Pantomaniac

Chapter 19

It was like any other ordinary lots in the commercial area. There was a hipster-looking cafe a few lots away and Kef felt like it was calling out to him. He would have given almost anything to trade where he was about to go for a nice cup of coffee at that cafe.

In front of him stood the staircase leading to the place he needed to be. He glanced at his watch. He was early by 15 minutes, which was surprising, considering that the entire appointment made him feel like he wanted to puke every single minute. Even as he was standing there, not moving, his stomach churned. He felt the noodle from his previous meal coiling like snakes, hissing with every turn. He had to take a deep breath and close his eyes. In his mind, he conjured an image of the ocean, as wide as the imagined horizon could take him. But just as he pictured himself floating on his back, a boat came into view. The sky got darker all of a sudden and the boat started rocking. Gently at first but as seconds passed, waves started slapping it left and right.

Kef opened his eyes. It was all he could do not to throw up. Realizing that if he stayed where he was, the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach would have grown and grown until he fell and collapsed.

He walked ahead and, without even checking if it was the correct entry, he started climbing up the stairs. By the first landing, he was already almost out of breath. By the time he reached in front of the door, he was pretty sure his forehead shined with sweat. What gave that away? The damp on his back. It felt like someone had glued his shirt to his skin.

Kef stared at the sign on the door. Slowly, he let his fingers rest in the bell. A clicking sound entered his ear seconds later.

The moment he entered the office, a girl dressed in office wear smiled at him, her eyes almost seemed happy that he arrived. Perhaps she, too, was expecting him to bail. Kef felt the corners of his lips curl at an awkward angle. He cursed silently for not being able to even smile like a normal human being.

"Good morning. You have an appointment?" the receptionist asked.

Kef nodded, still feeling like his lip was borrowed. "Yes. Dr Janet Ng."

"Your name, please?"

Was that a question? The words sounded like an instruction but the way she said it... not so much. Again, Kef cursed silently for dwelling on such an absurd question.

"Kef...Zulkefli."

The girl typed something into the computer and seconds later, she was back smiling at Kef with her perfectly white teeth. "Please take a seat. We'll call you shortly."

Kef turned and spotted a row of cushioned seats. He walked towards them and sank into one, hoping that the softness of the fabric would massage his nerves. Sadly, no luck. If anything, it only made the entire situation feel more real. Was he really there to meet the doctor? Not just any doctor but a psychologist?

His mind raced. Anytime from that moment, he was about to speak to a lady whose food is placed on the table by psychoanalyzing people. He was about to have his mind dissected by a stranger. And not just any stranger. A stranger who, apparently, knew his ex-wife.

"En Zulkefli?"

Kef looked up. A lady in a grey blouse and matching pants was smiling at him from a door to his right.

"Yes...?"

She leaned back against the door and gestured for Kef to enter the room. "Come in please."

Kef stood up. Without taking a step, Kef smoothened his pants with his palms. He had no idea why when he was wearing jeans. But he needed to buy time. His brain was still a thousand yards away from where it should have been. And he needed it. If he wanted to survive the session, that was.