The Love You Deserve (Completed)

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Dear Oshane,

My fourth son or as some would like to say, my "mini-me".

Everything that has transpired over the last little bit has been nothing but painful to me. The change something that I, out of all people was not ready for. So, I can only imagine how you feel as well.

There are many blurred lines between what I've trained you for vs. What I haven't and many of those lines are due to my respect for your father. A man of loyalty, a man who sees things clear as opposed to my consistently jaded perspective. A man that once asked me to never see to it that you are put in harms way, a man that I vowed to keep my promise.

I know I didn't say this to you when I had the chance but you, without question the right person for the job. No one compared to you in terms of smarts, speed, quick-thinking and problem solving. You knew things steps before they happened, you knew where to be and what to say, you lived every day and respectfully waiting for that opening; you waited to be ready and I applaud you for that.

I, more than ever wish things were different but I'm aware of the fact that we live in a dog eat dog world. As your father has told you, this cycle I'm in is one that I refuse to put anyone that I love and care for into. I, once had planned for Kingston because I knew that I could guide his hands and make decisions for him, I knew that as long as I was alive and he wore my last name; that no harm would come his way and that maybe one day he could pass it down and do the same. I've done enough dirt to make sure my name will forever hold weight, I knew that without it; this tradition will do nothing but pick up right where it left off. But you, you made me realize that there was no way of cheating karma.

I thought that without my name, I would be unable to protect you. You're a Robinson and as I'm sure your father has told you, he froze... which automatically presents you in the public eye as the same. I thought that for so many years, but it wasn't until you rose up that I realized; the same way I got it would be the same way I would lose it. There was no chance I could ever break a cycle just like that. No matter how much my husband tried to get me to turn this into a position thing; it'll never be.

The rules were simple... blood for power. That's it. No cheat code, no switching up the process, no skipping out on the hard stuff. I did my research and I knew what it took, I read the fine print and this is the life I chose. But you, I kept the fine print hidden from you for years because I was fearful of the fact that just like me, you'd want it anyway and be willing to do what it took.

I couldn't dare look into the eye of a boy that I helped raise, while he murdered me for a position. I couldn't dare die with the idea in my head that one day, my son's best friend would have to do the same... Oshane, I couldn't dare allow your light to dim the way mine has.

Kingston needs you... I need you around for Kingston. I made a promise to your father and as time went on, seeing the bond you two have made me realize how glad I was that I did.

So, to answer the question in your head. No... I'm not underestimating you, because I know that you could've potentially given me a run for my money. Yes, I am deciding your life for you because I want you to do better, I want you to be better. I want you to have kids, get married, live in peace and most importantly; take your father our of his misery. I want you to put those skills to good use.

I want you to see that this tradition is nothing but an ongoing cycle of some very bad karma and as much as I enjoyed holding such power, the repercussions of it constantly made me question my choices; daily. The lack of sleep, looking over your shoulder, the amount of blood left on your hands, the secrets, the lies, the darkness that comes with it all; wasn't worth it.