BDSM SOCIETY: Judas' Kiss

CHAPTER 12

"Mey-pol Cos Cas-ta-bleyr," I uttered my name as I wrote it on the ground with the bamboo stick. Konti nalang ay pakiramdam ko malilimutan ko na pati pangalan ko sa sobrang boring sa bundok na 'to. I wasn't accustomed in this kind of life for heaven's sake! No hobby to do! No clubbing! No nothing! Swimming was the only way to past the time at kulang nalang tubuan na ako ng kaliskis para maging taong-tubig!

Paano niya ba naisip na dalhin ako sa ganitong lugar? I was a city girl! Oh, God! Zahir, how Satanic your mind could be?!

"O." I lifted my chin up to Zahir who lent me a camera. Tiningnan ko ang camera at tinaasan siya ng kilay.

"Anong gagawin ko d'yan?" I asked in a duh tone.

"Kainin mo. Itapon sa tubig. Gawin mong fishing rod baka sakaling tatalab sa mga isda. Ikaw bahala."

"Zahir!" It seemed like pissing me off was his new found passion. New found work of art. He's in love with the idea of pissing me off. And it made me feel more annoyed with the idea that he's enjoying this whole disgusting situation while I wasn't. It felt like this place was slowly unbreathing me and he was rejoicing at that like a real demon. "Sa tingin mo ba may gana akong kumuha ng litrato sa mabundok na islang 'to? Ano ang subject ko? Unggoy? Ahas? Insekto?" sarkastiko kong pahayag.

"You can use the nature as your subject. Well, at least, that's a good start. Malay mo, magaling ka palang kumuha at iyon ang magiging career mo."

Career my ass! "I am pursuing nursing! Iyon ang first choice ko sa MIT at wala akong balak lumiko!"

"But it doesn't mean that you can't be a photographer. Malayo pa ang tatahakin mo. Sa gitna ng daan, pwedeng magbago ang isip mo." He sat beside me while fixing the camera to be used. "Tell me. Bakit gusto mo maging nurse? Eh, sa ugali mo, ikaw ang alagain."

Tinampal ko ang braso niya. "How dare you?" I glared at him. "Who said that I was a nursling?"

"Kasasabi ko lang." He chuckled. Nilapit niya ang camera sa isang mata habang nakapikit naman ang isa pa. It didn't last long when I heard the clicking sound of the camera. "So, bakit mo nga gusto maging nurse?" he asked again while still doing his thing.

I faced my front. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit ko gusto maging nurse. Basta ang alam ko lang, kapag grumaduate ako, wala akong balak magtrabaho sa ospital bilang nurse. Caring for others was never my passion. Wala rin akong talent. I didn't know what I wanted to become. Ang gusto ko lang, makasama si Zeon. He served as my inspiration. He was the reason why I pursued nursing.

"I just wanted to be with Zeon..." I uttered honestly and puffed an air. Faintly, I smiled. People might find it ridiculous but for me it was enough reason. Wait until you'd be in my shoe where you had to find people who would accept you. Where you'd find the sense of belongingness. Kapag nasa sitwasyon mo ako, gagawin mo ang lahat huwag lang mawala ang taong tumanggap sa'yo. That you're enough. That you're special. Zeon made me feel the security that I'd never be alone as much as I had him.

"Look here." Pagkalingon ko ay siya namang sunud-sunod na pagtunog ng camera. I was about to snatch it but he hastily took it away from me as if he knew that I'd do it.

"Zahir!"

He viewed the captured photos of me.

"When people are talking about what they wanted to become, the love and passion in their eyes could be seen. Kvell is scintillated. But yours was confusion and lostness." With pulled brows in his glabella, he turned to me and asked, "Are you astray?"

I batted my eyes. "Philippines was never my road, Zahir. Maliligaw talaga ako rito. Massachusetts was where I belong. I was meant to trail the path that's waiting for me there."