BDSM SOCIETY: Judas' Kiss

CHAPTER 24

"Hey..." Zahir's tripled and blurry face on my vision popped as I half-opened my eyes. Nakatulog pala ako. I grinned and hiccuped.

Dinuro ko siya sa dibdib. "Zahir... You are such a Judas." Muli akong napasinok. I got so drunk drinking alone. "You're kissing my lips while doing bad things behind my...back... So Judas."

Knowing I'd regret this tomorrow, I still wanna let loose this time. Ngumisi ako pero gusto ko nang sumabog. Gusto ko siyang sampalin at suntukin. I wanna hurt him so badly.

"You told me you love me...but why are you hurting me?!" I didn't wipe the tears that rolled down my cheeks. Hiniwa ang puso ko sa sariling salita. "Ganiyan ka ba magmahal? Mapanakit?" Suminok ulit ako. Ganoon ba ang pagmamahal? Nananakit? Pero bakit may mga tao pa rin na sumusubok matikman ang pagmamahal na 'yon?

"I'm sorry..." he said lowly. Hindi naman kariringgan ng pagsisisi ang boses niya.

Tumawa ako pero walang bakas ng pagkatuwa sa boses. My voice cracked and tears fell once more.

"Is that all you can say?" I mocked at him. "Why are you sorry? Because you lied that you loved me when you're really not?"

"I love you."

I shook my head but I felt doozy even more by doing so. Pakiramdam ko umiikot ang buong paligid ko kaya pumikit ako.

"You," Gusto kong masuka, "You said you love me but your actions speak the otherwise." Oh, gosh! I'm gonna vomit. I felt like spewing. Sana hindi nalang ako gumalaw.

"I love you. But I don't know how to handle the feeling. I'm sorry if I am hurting you. I'm sorry that I hurt you." My stomach kicked and I was ready to spew at his face. "Wait, are you gonna vomit?" I opened my mouth and...belched. Napasimangot siya nang naamoy ang hangin mula sa bibig ko.

"Bullshit! Men's excuses who couldn't give up debauchery!" I tried to stand up but my knees weakened. Napaupo ako pabalik sa sofa at lalong nakaramdam ng pagkahilo. "You have the lips of a sinner, Zahir. Liar like Judas with the face of an angel. How would I believe you knowing you're lying?"

"I love you, Maco," he whispered and caressed my cheeks. "Believe me this time. This is the truest to all of my lies."

Faintly, I shook my head. Sobrang wasak ko ngayon. Very vulnerable I couldn't open my eyes to see him lying right in front of my nose. "I couldn't love you, Zahir. I'm afraid to love you..." pahayag ko sa inaantok na boses. "Dahil lahat ng taong minahal ko, nawawala sila. I didn't know if I'm cursed to love. All I knew is I am scared to lose...you...if I'm..." Hindi ko natapos ang sinabi ko dahil hinila na ako ng antok.

"I will wait for your heart..." he whispered. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." Pinaulanan niya ako ng halik habang humihingi ng tawad. Ang luha na pumatak sa pisngi ko ang nagpagising sa akin.

Nagmulat ako ng mga mata sa panaginip na iyon. Shit! I pulled my hair as my head was frenzy throbbing. Napapikit ako. What happened last night flashed my mind, adding more pain to my head.

"Good morning," Zahir's morning voice greeted me. It's soft, low, and comforting. I opened my eyes and turned to him. Maaliwalas ang mukha niya. Parang hindi siya nagalit nang labis noong nakaraang gabi. Regardless that he's not smiling, he's serene. Nilapag niya ang hawak na tray sa sidetable. "Organic juice and medicine for the alkie lady. Here." Lumapit siya at inabot ang isang basong juice at wala nang balat na gamot.

After drinking the medicine, I reclined my back on the headboard while massaging my temple. Smelling his aftershave soothed my head and urged me to soak in the water.

"Ugh! Gusto kong maligo." Feeling that no thing was restraining me to move, I looked at myself. Naked. Tiningnan ko si Zahir. He's getting up a white and fitted shirt and khaki shorts.