SWASAN: AASHIYAN

EPISODE- 38

Days passed by and so the difficulties of sanskar. After they returned from the wedding swara started getting visuals of the past. She would get those flashes and would remain disturbed and handling her became difficult. She would even get nightmares and she would cry herself until sleep. Her confusions and questions all were unanswered. Medications showed its effect in keeping her sanity.

2 months later-
After all that happened with her finally swara was well to do. She regained her memory  and was quite normal now but she has become extremely quite. Living in the same room sanskar again started feeling distant from swara. She won't share about her feelings, her thoughts and this would worry him a lot. She even distanced herself from risabh. She wouldn't go near him at all. Somewhere in her heart she blamed herself for the loss of her babies. Guilt is a very heavy feeling which would consume a person from inside and this she felt strongly for being the reason of her babies death, for the unhappiness in sanskar's life, him living away from his family due to her.
She wants to talk it out with him but couldn't. Don't know what stops her but she just couldn't. May be she herself don't know what she wants from him and herself.
Days continue to pass and sanskar became frustrated and his damn broke.
Sanskar- swara will you please tell me what do you expect from me. For the heavens sake just speak something. We can't keep on going like this. It's high time now. (Holding her shoulder)
Swara- (stared him) do you want to leave me?
Sanskar- what!!!(bewildered) swara i didn't mean that.
Swara- but why?? I just bring pain to you. You should leave me.
Sanskar- are you out of your mind. I want you in my life to love you, to live with you. I want you to love me back and be with me not to leave me.
Sanskar- (vulnerable) swara can't you just leaving everything behind for once just be my swara. Can't you just for once forget what our past was, what your past was and be yourself with me to lead a life, to see new dreams and fulfil them. Living in the same place yet aloof it is becoming difficult for me.
Sanskar- swara for few days only but we have lived as friends, as lovers and as husband - wife happily and cherished our time, can't we try to build our relationship. Can't we remould our life and make a new beginning. Past is something i can't change but swara my future it's in your hands (holding her hand)
She crashed in his arms and cried vigourously.
Swara- (crying) sanskar... i want to but i am unable to. I àm not able to do so. But i don't want to be alone. (Tightening her hold around him) i want to live with you but i am afraid things will go wrong. I will mess up as i am a curse sanskar. Whoever i love, who are related to me i become the cause of their pain. It didn't leave our babies too. Sanskar ... sanskar what if someday because of me you have to suffer somethjng more harsh... i won't be able to live. Already this guilt, this shame of being myself in this world ,it's suffocating sanskar... it's too hard to bear all these. (Starts breathjng heavily)
Sanskar- (eyes moist and panicked) heh shh... (rubbed her back to calm her) this time just trust on me... everything will be alright. I won't let things go wrong. Calm down...
Taking her in his embrace he sonsoled her.
Sanskar- will you hold on to me and trust me for this time everything will be good. Will you try this time for us, so that we lead a happy life. Swara?
Swara- can we?
Sanskar- yes
Swara- ( holding his hand) don't leave me ever?
Sanskar- never.
Swara- i am sorry for all that happened because of me.
Sanskar- wasn't your fault. It had to happen. That was destiny. What we need to do is move on. Ok . Now you need rest.
Swara nodded at him and snuggled in his embrace drifting into a peaceful slumber after many days and so did he.

Life was going to take a new turn. It was going to be a new beginning.
3 months passed to this day.
Sanskar consulted a counsellor. They both underwent counselling separately as well as together. They worked on their relationship, emotions and tried to improvise themself.
Slowly and steadily swara was coming out of her problems. Getting involved in social activities and was trying to find herself. Her relation with sanskar was slowly progressing.
Now the major question was what she wanted from life. Siting idle at home was not what she had thought earlier nor this is what she wants to do now. She wanted to do something productive.
Let's see where there life takes them.
Bye...