Chapter 5

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Luke:

Clarissa was sleeping, her head on my shoulder and her hand on my knee. We had watched Elf, because Ashton wanted to, and she kept looking at me from the corner of her eye throughout the film. Michael decided to put on a scary movie next and even though I knew that nothing scared her, especially not scary movies, she cuddled up to me and told me she was scared. I loved that she was trying to find a way to get closer to me.

It gave me hope.

Maybe she did like me the way I liked her. Maybe, just maybe, we could be more than friends. Maybe I would finally be able to call her mine.

I couldn't stop thinking about Clarissa today. There was something she wasn't telling me, I knew that. I just needed to know what. Calum had said something about...flashes? What could he possibly mean by that? Flashes. He said moments, too. And when he texted me, he said that the memory of 'it' hurt her...the memory of what? Maybe something happened in the past, and she thinks it's her fault. That sounds like Clarissa. She always blames herself for things that really aren't her fault.

My shirt felt wet. I crane my neck to see if Clarissa was okay, and she ws crying. In her sleep. Her beautiful face was completely still, tears streaming down her cheeks and soaking the fabric of my t-shirt. Poor girl. She was so upset about whatever it was, she cried in her sleep. She started mumbling something incoherently in her slumber. I leaned closer, trying to hear it and understand her gibberish.

"....A-Ash-Ashley. N-no! Ash-Ash-Ashley I'm s-so, so sorry, I-I love y-you s-s-so mu-much an-and I'm sorry...I n-never wa-want-wanted this to hap-to happen. Pl-p-please co-come back to me..." She trailed off, the tears now a river flowing from her closed eyes. I wanted to comfort her, but being the terrible bastard I am, I wanted to hear if she had anything else to say. She did.

"A-Ash. Ashley. Don-don't go. I didn't-I didn't want y-you to...go li-like this. I didn't wan-wa-I didn't want y-you to g-go...die. Why d-di-did you ha-have to d-die?"

And there it was. That's what she was keeping from me, or at least some of it. If I just asked her who this Ashley was, would she tell me? Maybe. Only one way to find out. In the morning, I'd ask her who Ashley was. I know Calum told me not to ask her about it or push her to tell me, but I had to know.

When I awoke in the morning, I felt cold. I looked to my side and was not really surprised to see that Clarissa was no longer beside me. I walked into the kitchen, smelling breakfast and thinking it might be her, but it was her mom.

"Oh, hello, er, uh, good morning, Mrs. Hood. How have you been?" She smiled and nodded while stirring pancake batter in a bowl.

"Hello, Luke. I've been good, thank you for asking. And how have you been?"

"Oh, I'm good. Do you know where Clarissa is?" She shook her head, still looking into the batter bowl.

"No, haven't seen her. Maybe... Check Calums room." I nodded and walked down the hall the Calums room, grateful to be out of that awkward conversation. I knocked softly on Calums door but no one answered. I slowly pushed it open to see that Mrs. Hood was right; Clarissa was in Calums room. Cal was laying on his mattress, with his sister's head on his lap. He was playing with her hair and they were talking. They didn't notice me, and I hid behind the door before they could, eavesdropping.

"...Clarissa, I don't really know if I even want the guys to know. I mean, honestly, do you?"

"No, Cal. I think that if I told them, they'd treat me different. They'd feel bad all the time and treat me like I would break."

"Yeah, I agree."

"God, Calum. This sucks."

"Yeah, I agree." Clarissa laughed. Then her laughter stopped abruptly and a serious silence filled the room.

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