Before fame; a 5sos fanfic

Chapter 11

Sam:

Clarissa.

She's all I can think about. The picture of her is burned into my brain. There's this... movie playing in my head, all the different scenes of the girl I love so much but can never have; her fighting with Logan, us getting ice cream together in the summer, her making me a pink and purple friendship bracelet (such a manly accessory, right?), her playing with little cocker spaniel puppies at the pet store. Clarissa, stressing over what to buy for her brother on his birthday. Clarissa, standing up for people who have done nothing for her, people she has never spoken to. Clarissa, singing and dancing at the All Time Low concert I took her to. Us, eating dinner at a fancy restaurant. Us, eating raw cookie dough. Clarissa, kissing me for the first time. And the second time. And the third, the fourth, the fifth... Clarissa, sleeping in my bed with her head snuggled against my chest. Clarissa, calling me in the middle of the night, saying she needed me. Clarissa, letting me stay the night in her bed. Clarissa, crying and cuddling with me after her dad left. Clarissa, getting drunk off her ass after her dad texted her, saying he didn't love her, never had. Clarissa, holding my hand in puplic all the time to show everyone that she was mine, and I was hers. Clarissa, taking pictures of us and putting them in a collage, on her wall. Clarissa, wearing nothing but one of my t-shirts after she woke up. Clarissa, showering me in compliments. Clarissa, kissing me hard on New Year's. Clarissa, making me a cake on every special occasion. Clarissa, being Clarissa, being the love of my life.

One day, when Clarissa and I were still together, one of her ex boyfriends came to me and told me to back off. He said he was planning on winning her back, and I was in the way. He also said I was going to get hurt if I didn't back off. I said I didn't care, because if he had the decency to threaten me, I didn't want him anywhere near Clarissa. He then threatened to hurt Calum, Clarissa's brother. I didn't doubt that he would; he had asked me to meet him at his house, the walls of which were smeared with red. I don't know if it was just fake, to intimidate people, or if it was really blood, but either one meant he was...disturbed. So, achingly, I ended it. I liked Calum; he was a great guy, a scronny lad and not the most popular kid in town, but he was actually a really awesome person. He didn't get enough credit. I could never let him get hurt, I would blame myself and he was the last person on earth to deserve it. I would suffer through the dirty looks from the boys and Clarissa not looking at me at all, if it meant that they would be safe.

But I can't keep going like this.

I can't keep staring at the floor as I walk down the halls so I don't have a chance of accidentally catching her eye. I can't keep making excuses to other girls who want to date me. I can't keep staying up until 12, my finger hovering over Clarissa's number on my phone. I want to talk to her. I want to buy her coffee, take her out for dinner. I want to tell her jokes and make her laugh. I want to feel her soft lips pressed against mine, her fingers in my hair. I want to cuddle on the couch with her, wrapped in blankets with a scary movie playing on the television and a bowl of popcorn resting on my lap. I want to hear her call me hers. I want her to hold my hand and show me off and tell everyone how great she thinks I am. I want her to look at me like I'm the greatest thing that's ever happened to her. All these things that she used to do, I miss them. She is so effortlessly perfect, so doesn't even know how one look from her can make someone feel. Her emotions show through her eyes: those bright blue orbs hold more expression than anyone else's. She has extraordinary eyes. They're not just one colour, they're a whole spectrum. They're blue, they're green and then they're grey. They shine like... nothing else in this entire planet. When they tear up, it takes all of my will to stop myself from kissing all her pain away. She's going through a terribly tough time, it's so easy to tell that she's hurting, but nobody at school knows what it is that's causing her stress. I'm sure her brother knows, he usually knows everything about Clarissa, but he hates me because I broke her heart. I will probably do anything to get the chance to talk to her, but I'll need to get the balls to do it first.

I'm not scared.

I'm really not, I just don't want anyone to get hurt.

Right?

I don't know. That guy was pretty scary. He did not seem like the kind of guy Clarissa would be interested in. He seemed like the kind of guy she would run from, to be honest. He had spacer earings, which Clarissa didn't really like. He had a deep, husky voice, like an old man that smoked too much. He had a tattoo of a near-naked warrior girl on his thigh, which ticked me off. Clarissa told me about this tattoo, I didn't see it for myself. I had no reason to see this guys thighs.

Ew.

Completely lost in my head, I accidentally crashed right into a rather small someone. Out of instinct, I wrapped an arm around her waist to keep her from falling, and her cool hands gripped my forearm. Looking down, I found myself looking into the eyes of.....

You guessed it, Clarissa Hood.

She had tears in her eyes, which she hastily wiped away with the sleeve of her hoodie. The sweater was an old one, and was maybe, I don't know, six thousand sized too big. It made her already dainty figure look even more fragile, and the dark bags caused by lack of sleep and hollowed cheeks added to the fragile, almost broken, look.

She looked... like shit.

She looked like she hadn't eaten or slept for days. How had I failed to notice this outside? Maybe it's because I'm closer to her now. Like, close. Our noses are almost touching, and I'm not complaining. I heard her sharp intake of breath, and I'm not sure if it's from almost falling, or being this close to me. I'd like to hear her say that being pressed against me was having the same effect on her as it did on me, but she said nothing. We stood in the hallway, surrounded by students rushing to their classes, staring into each others eyes. Hers were as extraordinary as always, and the tears in her eyes brought out the blue.

She was beautiful, even with a grey face and bruises under her eyes. She still had a faint blemish on her cheekbone from when Andy hit her last week, which I am not happy about. Nobody hurts my girl and leaves unscathed.

Nobody.