𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐨𝐫 • sirius black

Chapter 8°

Chapter 8° Adam Barnes

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It was dinner time, as Carrie walked through the floors, on her way to the great hall. Her day has been long since she had classes for 6 hours straight. After getting out of class she spent hours doing homework and working on a potions essay about The Drought Of Death. As it one of her best classes, she tried to improve herself. The floors were completely empty, as everyone was already in the hall. Studying she lost track of time, so that dinner already ten minutes ago. 

Turning around the corner, right before the entrance, she stopped. Why? Because she was looking right at Sirius Black. But he didn't even notice Carrie, as he was currently slipping his tongue down the throat of another blonde girl. His hands layed on her upper thigh, as her skirt rose up more and more. The girl looked really unnatural, considering her face which was covered in a lot of makeup and her high heels, that seemed to be breaking her ankle any minute. Eventhough Carrie felt weir sting in her stomach, she just ignored it and walked straight past them, into the great hall. She knew the Black boy and knew his ways. He kissed at least one new girl a day and flirted with another five. That's just the man he was. At least she was still right about the Shag-and-go thing. And once again Carrie was feeling very relieved to have declined the offer, not ever wanting to be seen as one of those girls.

Now you may think, what happened about the, Falling-for-Carrie-Thing? Yeah well, after he ended that sentence, talking to the boys, he decided, that it just slipped and it's just a confusion. And the next day, everything seemed to be back to normal. He was, once again, playing the girls like he always did. Like nothing ever happened. The only problem was, that something did happen. Not something, more like someone. But being as stubborn as he was, Sirius just forgot about it, or at least he tried. And snogging other girls seemed to be the best way, to do so. He spent hours with the girls he found, not thinking about anyone else. James, Remus and Peter were more than annoyed by his behavior. They all knew what he was trying to do, but couldn't understand it in the slightest.  Why wasn't he able to accept his feelings or at least to keep going like everything did before? Him talking to Carrie, being open about his feelings and spending time with his mates. 

But no. That wasn't how Sirius Black worked. He was scared about his feelings and even more about others'. He would never admit it, but he knew that he indeed was falling for the girl with eyes out of silk. Every time he saw her, his heart lit up and crumbled a little, at the same time. The way she looked filled every inch of his body, like electricity. He couldn't stop, but feel his heart starting to race the second their eyes met. But that was quickly overwhelmed by the feeling of self-doubt. Carrie could never love, or even like me, he thought. She showed me multiple times before. So what should've changed? Sirius has been disowned by his own family and felt unloved in a way, no-one would ever be able to understand. Yes, he loved the marauders more than anything and he knew they loved him. And even knowing, that his family was poisoned and ruthless, it's still his biological family. They always have and always will be a part of his history. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe that was, why Sirius had never been in a relationship or in love before. The fear of rejection was too big and consistent in his mind. The feeling of never being good enough, not being worth another persons time, not being able to be loved in a romantic and true way. That had always been his biggest fear. So he never allowed such feeling to take over him and isolated himself in this world of callous kisses and broken trust. There was nothing left. But when he met Carrie, he lost control over himself and his feelings. The facade he had built up all these years seemed to crumble and the mask seemed to fall. And that frightened him.