Letter To My Lover [L.S]

7 months and 15 days

My love,

7 months and 15 days. Isn't it? Than you will be back. I hope you will be. Because I don't know how long I can take this. I'm so so sorry Harry. I'm sorry that I became weak. I just couldn't help myself.

I woke up to an empty and cold bed once more, the thing to which I'm still not used to. You were always there by my side, your arms holding me safe and close. I miss the feeling of you in my arms or me in yours. Your letter about your promotion came the same day, in fact right after I got out of bed, feeling alone. I was so happy for you that I didn't realize when I started crying or how my body started shaking, so much that I had collapsed on the floor. Its all too much. It pains me that we can't celebrate these little happiness in our life together anymore. That we have to take help from these papers and pens to tell each other that how much we love them. My heart aches for you at night and my eyes cry for you every time. I want you here with me.

Having Lottie over for sometime was good but than when she was gone everything felt empty again. You weren't there, no one was. I was just all alone. This place doesn't feel like home anymore, it haunts me without you. Those pictures of us mock me. I wish time was like those pictures when we were together, kissing. I have stopped going for the evening walks a long time ago, they reminded me of you and how you aren't here. It was our thing. I got sick during this time, nothing major just a little fever that I got because of crying at nights when I was missing you. But the pain was somehow more intense and the loneliness more dark this time. I didn't eat for days and haven't kept in touch with anyone. Made myself busy in work. I couldn't see those people I got to know through you without feeling your absence or knowing they are here but you are not. I just felt empty.

Harry, I'm not mad at you, I can never be. I love you so much. Harry, my love, my heart, my soul, I love you more than anything, more than the stars have loved the moon, more than the sun has wanted the moon. Funny how these words just describe us. Moon and sun. You are my sun. And I'm your moon, helpless under you love. We are far away just like these two and a moon is nothing without its sun, it can't shine just like I can't. I know how you call me your sun but it actually is the other way around. You are my sun, you make me shine, Harry.

Know that I'll give up everything to just be there with you but you and I both know it can't be done so I'll wait once again, for you. I'm not writing this to make you feel bad. In fact I'm writing you this to tell you that I'm fine now. More than fine. Want to know the reason? Its you. You keep me going. My sun keeps me shining, like always.

I read your letters. I read about how you imagine our wedding. I read everything, love. And that's what keeps me going. You, us and our plans for the future keeps me going. I know what I did wasn't right. I should have written you a letter, told you how I was feeling but everytime I tried they got soaked up in my tears and ended up in a trash can. I have finally made my self strong, for you, for us, for myself. I'm doing just fine now. I have slowly fell in my usual pace and started eating just fine. I will probably pay a visit to our families, it's been long since I saw them. I'm perfectly fine now. And I hope you are too and I promise I replaced your set with a good one. I didn't get to congratulate you on your promotion and I'm so sorry for that, but if it makes you feel happy than I will tell you that I did celebrate it with a glass of wine under the stars thinking you might be doing the same just like you said.

Love you more than I can say. Sorry for making you feel like that. 7 months and 15 days, it is. I'll see you again xx. Please be safe. Promise me you will be safe.

Love you now, always and forever,
Louis.
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