Beautiful risks

Dilemma

"So you kissed him"
"No he kissed me. I think"

Ellie was staring intently at me, her dark eyebrows were pulled up in a concentrated but investing manner.

"Calista there is not a difference, you kissed yes or no?"

We were stopped next to an alleyway, The sun shone strikingly against our bare skin.

"I'm so stupid"
"Yes then, girl good for you, get that d-"

As much as I'm glad she didn't finish her sentence I'm not sure what we saw was any better.

"GET DOWN"

Ellie pulled me out of view from the alleyway.

"Wait I know that voice"

I peeked around the corner of the brick wall.

"Cal no"
"Shh"

There were two figures, one was kneeling and the other stood opposite, pointing an object which I came to realise was a gun.

"Je vous en supplie, ne le faites pas"
*I beg you please don't*

"Je ne baise pas avec les traîtres"
*I don't fuck with traiters*

There was that voice again. Elias. I felt weak, was I about to watch a person take their last breath. I can't watch this and not do anything. As my body emerged further into the alley, the shot rang out, then a thump slowly followed it. But I couldn't see anymore because my eyes were squeezed shut and someone was pulling on my arm.

"Calista let's go, we need to get out of here now"

I let her pull me with her, but not before I heard him.

"Calista"

***

I wasn't thinking, my body working like a robot, chucking clothes, shoes into my bag. The door to the room opened, but I wasn't really aware, I hadn't really been aware of anything since witnessing someone's death, or should I say murder.

"Stop"

I didn't.

"Hey, Calista" it doesn't matter that this was the first time he was saying my actual name, besides in the alleyway.

"I- I need to go, j-just go away"

He was behind me now. Standing a good foot taller.

"Just stop please, let me explain"

The repetitive shot of the gun kept replaying in my ears, swallowing his words. I could feel his hands prying the shirt I was holding from my murderous grip.

"Hey come here, you're shaking"

He had turned me towards him now and his hands had found my face.

"No you killed him, that man,he's dead"

My hands were fisted against his chest, and the sudden realisation that his hands, the same ones that gripped a loaded gun not even an hour ago were touching my skin. I pushed, pushed at his chest and projected my anger into my pushes. But no use, he used one hand to hold my wrists against him, and the other to shield my head to his chest.

The worst of this was I allowed it, I allowed him to hold me, to comfort me.

Once I was breathing steady and my mind was somewhat clear, I put distance between me and Elias.

"Talk then"
He looked at me, not sympathetically but curiously

"What"
"You said you had an explanation, so I'm waiting for one"

I watched him walk over to my bed and take a seat, elbows braced on his knees and his head in his hands.

"Cal, what I do, is dangerous"

I almost laughed.

"God Elias, I'm not a child, you don't need to sugarcoat things for me, I just watched you shoot a man, and I want an explanation or I'm leaving- you're lucky for one I'm not calling the police and that's only because I can't speak French"

He was looking up at me from his hands, jaw tensed.

"The man, he deserved to die, he was a rapist, a cheat, he got 4 of my guys killed"

I stepped closer to him.

"I don't understand this. When is it your decision who lives or dies?" I said.

"You need to trust me, I can't tell you everything, it will only put you in danger"

I huffed like a stubborn child

"Is that not my decision to make, I can defend myself, I took self defence lessons"

He snorted, in which he received a slapped from me.

"You can't be serious, these guys have guns and you expect to defend yourself with a slap like that"

Some part of me wants to find his gun and wipe that smirk of his face, but the other part knows that I will probably, no definitely end up shooting myself. 

Dilemma. I'm in a dilemma. This is so wrong, I should be down the police station on google translate, explaining exactly what happened.

My hands are still shaking and I'm definitely still in shock. What I need right now is space to think this through.

"I need time to process this" I walk to the door and hold it open, inviting him to leave, kindly.

I tapped my foot impatiently, at the slow pace he moved at. Then as soon as he crossesd the grooves that connect the carpet to the wooden floor, I shut the door, or rather slammed it.

A/N: help I've been in a writers block for months, and I'm not sure if this is good. Please lmk