Harper Brown✔ [ Sequel to Being McKenzie Prince]

Dear Harper

Dear Harper

I never really thought about myself as being a goth or as being suicidal.

I spent many years suffering from Depression and I tried every day to tell myself that life was worth it; that things would get better.

The day you made that comment about me being "suicidal" and a "goth" was the day that my mom found out that she had cancer.

It was the same day that I found out that my father planned to leave us.

Can you imagine how I felt that day as I walked into school?

We were slowly becoming bankrupt.

Brian started to get into the habit of slamming me against walls and lockers every day.

Conner Shane, another friend of yours, started to give me swirlies almost every day.

Do you know how hard it is to watch your mother's worried expression when she sees the bruises all over your body when you get home from school? And she knows that she cannot do anything about it?

I had to get a job and so did my older sister; to help pay the bills.

I barely have time to sleep needless to say keep up with my studies.

I cannot remember the last time I had a good night's sleep.

I fell behind in school and the kids just got meaner and meaner and my mother got sicker and sicker.

A few days ago I woke up to my mom coughing up blood and we had to rush her to the emergency room.

I went to school later that morning and Brian and the other guys were there. I did not have the strength to fight them as they pushed me into the girl's bathroom and locked the door behind them.

They started to say how I was a "fa^&)%t" and they made comments about whether I was actually even a guy...That maybe I was a girl.

Brian said that maybe they should check.

They tackled me to the ground and pulled off all my clothes until I was laying there vulnerable and naked. They made fun of me saying how "small" I was and how I was probably still a virgin... And then they started beating me up.

You weren't in school that day. Otherwise you would have probably been with them; I don't know.

Someone knocked three times on the door. They opened it and Ashley Castles walked in. I tried to cover myself and they just laughed. They told her that I was still a virgin.

Two of them held me down as Ashley walked closer. One held my legs while the other held my arms. I was totally exposed.

She said something about how I was missing out. She bent down close to me and for a few seconds I could almost feel her breath on me.

She got a smirk on her face and then she went into the stalls and the guys let go. Brian kicked me in the groin.

I lay there and then Ashley came out with her underwear in her hand.

She had a smile on her face.

She threw them at me and said that, that was the closest I would ever get to being with a girl.

Brian threw my clothes at me and I started to get dressed.

He said that I should put on Ashley's underwear.

I said no, but Brian kept kicking me until I said yes. I cried from the pain and humiliation as I put on Ashley's bra and her G-String. Brian took a picture while I stood there in the underwear and then he said that I should put my clothes on over it.

He said he would send the picture to everyone in school if I did not wear the underwear the whole day while I was at school.

It was the worst day of my life.

Brian told some of his friends and they kept making comments when they walked passed me.

They would push me into closets or bathroom stalls and "check" whether I still had the underwear on.

I can't do this anymore.

My mom died this morning.

She died exactly one hour ago and I keep thinking what do I have to live for?

Who would really care if I was gone?

I am nobody.

I can't take one more day of this.

I just can't.

I know that you are probably wondering why I wrote you this letter well I have no one else to write to and I keep going back to that day.

I could blame you, but I don't.

Yeah you said something stupid, but you did not make Brian and all the others bully me. Granted you did not stop them either, but then again, no one else at school bothered.

You didn't make my dad leave us.

You didn't make my mom sick.

I don't know if my death will change anything; I wish that it will change you Harper, because you can be more than just another bully.

Maybe my death can mean something....

Or maybe you will read this and laugh and not care...

Either way...

What is done is done...

Oakley Tanner\The Invisible Boy

AUTHOR'S NOTE: If you are being bullied, please talk to someone. 

Speaking as someone who went through it, things will get better. It may not seem like it, but it will.