"You kiss terribly by the way"
I look in the rear view mirror and see Camilas lips in a tight pout, her arms wrapped around her dog as she gazes out of the window
"Like a great big slobbery dog" She let's her tongue hang out and pants for effect and I wish to God I could tie a knot in it and never hear her voice again
"I wasn't trying to kiss you good, I was trying to shut you up"
"How come I miss all the good stuff?" Asks Niall "I get to do the kidnapping you get to do the kissing"
"You kiss him next time" sasses the bitch in the back "because I sure as hell won't"
"There will be no 'next time' I inform her, "just a little while longer and then we will be home and it will be someone else's job to deal with you thank fuckin God!"
"You wish there would be a next time"
"No, believe me I do not"
"Liar liar, your tiny little dick is on fire"
I close my eyes for a second and try to reign in my agitation but everything this girl says seems to get under my skin
"My dick was in not involved in that back there, believe me, you had no effect on him what so ever"
"Yeah, yeah whatever you say. I felt how tiny it was when you were grinding it against me like a dog in heat. A big, slobbery, horny dog... yuck!" She shudders And holds her dog closer
"I was not horny for you"
"I felt it"
"I had my phone in my pocket"
"You grinded on me!"
"I had an itch!"
"I bet you did, I can only imagine the dirty skanks that will have sex with someone like you" she rolls her eyes and I'm about ready to slam on the breaks and just throw her and her fluff ball out the door
"There, there children, no need to argue. You have a tiny dick, she has tiny tits, it's all fair and square" says Niall whilst throwing m&ms into the air and attempting to catch them in his mouth, I look at Camila as she slaps an arm over her chest, her cheeks reddening and I sit back in my chair and grin that Niall managed to effect her. One nil to Ireland
"So where are you taking me? It had better be somewhere nice, with WiFi and a nice bed because I can't sleep on just anything"
"Canada!" Niall announces and I see in the mirror than Camilas mouth is opening and closing like a fish as she attempts to fan herself with her hand "We are going to Canada"
"Canada?!" She finally splutters out "I can't go to Canada"
"The good thing about being kidnapped is you don't get a choice, now sit back my little maple leaf not long now" I grin at her obvious displeasure
"No I can't go to Canada! I'm Camila Cabello I need to be in LA or New York, London even But Canada??!!!"
"What the fuck is wrong with Canada?" I snap, my Canadian fury building steadily at her ignorance towards my homeland
"I don't speak the language for starters"
"Then how are we communicating? Telepathy?"
"What's telepathy?" Asks Niall "is it when you communicate with a telephone or a television?"
He throws and m&m into the air And giggles at his own terrible joke but I snatch it mid throw and pop it into my mouth
"Well mostly you're grunting and I'm guessing that's hardly 'communicating' I even don't like maple syrup I'm on a no sugar diet!"
"What makes you think we are going to feed you?!"
She sticks her chin in the air "and I hate hockey and don't even think of asking me to wear red and white"
"Why would I care what you wear?! I'm kidnapping you, I'm holding you for ransom and then once it's paid I'm kicking your big ass you back across the border where I will hopefully never to see or hear you ever again"
"Well never turn on your tv or your internet or look at a newspaper because I'm going to be everywhere. The more sensational the headline the better. I'm going to be all sad eyes and pouty lips, I'll be on Oprah and you will in fucking jail!" She screams the last two words and Niall sticks his fingers in his ears and then looks at me seriously
"Shawn, I think our guest might be a tad 'hangry'"
"I think she's a tad INSANE!" I yell back as the car sweeves and the driver behind me beeps his horn and gives me the finger "how long til we are back in Canada Niall?"
"6 hours and 22 minutes"
"6 hours and 22 minutes and this nightmare will all be over and hers will just be about to begin"
This is just a new book so every little vote counts. Please and thank you
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Also it's the 1 week anniversary of my great Wattpad meltdown, thank you for sticking around lol it won't happen again 😂😂😂
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Diva (Complete)
Fanfiction"She doesn't like the car" "She doesn't like my car?" "She doesn't like the colour of your car " "What the fuck's wrong with the colour of my car?!" "I don't know but the dog was so offended it couldn't bare to listen, she had to cover its little fl...
