The Vagina Argument

398 63 21
                                    

"No, no way"

"Camila..."

"Nope"

She crosses her arms over her chest and pouts and I can't help but want to kiss the pout off her face and then I internally punch myself in my own face for being so soft

"I'll be quiet as a mouse" promises Niall "You won't even know I'm there"

"I will know you're there because I will be able to smell the Guinness on your breath" she crosses her arms tighter and then looks directly at me "N.O  spells no Shawn, no way, no how, not ever"

"I'll be completely responsible for him"

"You can't even be 'completely responsible' for yourself. Who had to catch the spider yesterday? ME! That's who, the tiny little kidnapped female"

"That was a big spider Camila" and then I turn to Niall and deepen my voice "I like to let her feel like she's being useful" the way her jaw drops and is then followed by her brows tells me I'm going to regret saying that sometime soon, probably when I'm naked and horny

"So I'm coming?" Asks Niall hopefully

"No" "yes" Camila and I answer in unison

"No" Camila reiterates "It would be like Bonny and Clyde if they took their weird auntie along with them"

Nialls face crumples at the word 'auntie' but he doesn't argue, obviously aware he's on very thin ice with Camila already

"He's my friend Camila, my oldest, most loyal friend" I make my eyes like a puppy dogs, large and begging but she just narrows her eyes and moves her face closer to mine

"But does he have a vagina Shawn?"

FUCK!

"No but I do have..." he stands up and places a hand on his ass

"Don't you fuckin think it let alone say it" I warn as I wrap my hand around his throat and he nods his head frantically as his face begins to turn pink and I eventually take pity on him and let him go

"I'm not going am I Shawn?" He asks whilst lowering his head aware that with the 'vagina argument' she has us both by the short and curlies and the grin on her face tells me that she knows it too

"Camila, may I talk with you in private please?"

"Of course you may Shawn but seeing as how I'm locked in your parents basement it's your comedy partner there you're going to have to ask to leave"

"Niall..."

"I know, I know, I'm going" he stands up and places his chin on his chest as he slowly walks to the steps, climbs them as slow as humanly possible and then turns to us both

"I brought you cookies Camila!" He cries out

"You brought me one cookie! One cookie that was minus the chocolate chips which makes it not even a real cookie and you only gave me that because I said I would tell Shawn you tried to kiss me if you didn't"

I don't know why but that thought pisses me off and I jump to my feet not really sure what I intend to do

"I didn't Shawn I promise, she was making threats because she wanted my cookie"

"Leave" I order and he exits the basement.

Heaving in a breath I turn to the pouty princess on my left

"No"

"Please"

"No"

"Please"

"One condition"

What the hell??? I didn't see that coming I didn't see her breaking so easily, she never
breaks easily, It's one of the things I lo... like about her

"Name it" I tell her with a smug smile on my lips

"If he comes there's no sex and no sexual favours of any kind"

FUUUUUCK

"So you tell me, is he coming Shawn?"

*a mini update because it just came to me please vote and comment if you like x

Diva (Complete)Where stories live. Discover now