One Together| Monsta X 8th Member

☆ Episode 38

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┊　         　┊　      　   ✧･ﾟ
┊　             ✧･ﾟ
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⚠️Warning:
This chapter includes sensitive topics such as unstable mental health, panic attacks and slight self harm. Please read with caution.

I will now assume you read the warning.

With shaky hands I pick up the photos, my thoughts racing and messing in my head. Like a tsunami my own emotions drown my very own self.
Something is slowly pulling the air out of my lungs, almost suffocating me.
I try to breath again, holding my chest. Again and again. It's useless, no matter how often I gasp for air, no matter how deep I inhale, my lungs feel empty. I start panicking even more.
Unintentionally, I cry out loud. Almost like a scream for help that my body releases as a reflex.
I let myself fall down on my knees, dropping all of the photos, my hand shaking even harder than before.

It's what you deserve!
Did you seriously think you were worthy of happiness?

My mother's voice echoes inside of my head, causing a sudden sign of pain in there. I grab my hair, almost pulling it.
Why did he find me again?
Why can't I just live in peace?
Oh- right I don't deserve that. And even though I know that I can't help but wish for it.

"Hyejin- ah?" The worried voice coming from behind the door asks.
My watery eyes wander around the room in panic, finally landing on the photos spread on the floor. Not knowing what to do, I start biting my index finger.

"Hyejin? Is everything alright?"
I bite even harder. It hurts but why does it feel so good? I don't want to stop. The feeling of physical pain is so relieving.
My finger hurt even more with every moment passing.
Should I stop?
Realizing what I'm doing, I instantly pull my finger away, a red mark appearing on my skin.
Sobs escape my mouth, what's wrong with me? How could I ever have such thoughts?

The door opens. Wonho standing there, worry and fear in his eyes.
Not giving any attention to the photos on the floor, nor to my messy look, he falls on his knees pulling me into his arms.

"I'm here for you. Whatever it is." His voice sounds soft and calming, just like his grip and the way his arms hold me tightly. He gently brushes my hair "Please just let me be here for you."

My sobs and gasps for air slowly fade, as I simply bury my head in his chest.

Minutes later, I've finally calmed down and I dare to look up. Wonho's soft expression full of sincerity and tenderness soothing my anxious self from a few moments ago. As our eyes are locked onto one another, there are only three little words I can think about.

Three words that hold such great meaning, they could change everything with their power.

"Thank you, hyung." I try to give him a smile. I fail- miserably. Tears start flowing again but this time there is no panic, no fear, just the pain that had been resting in my heart for such a long time. Now that it fully showed itself and rose from the darkest and deepest part of my heart, it felt new and unfamiliar, even though it was a part of me for a very long time.

Wonho was watching me all along, yet I don't feel uncomfortable. Instead, I want to talk to him and tell him about my crippling pain. I want to share so much more than that with him.