☆ Episode 5

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The atmosphere in this room is insanely tense, not one sound to be heard. The audience seems to be just as nervous as we are.

After what felt like at least three eternities K.Will finally continues "Between the two teams, the one which got 11 more votes is..."

He pauses again. Damn this dude, is he trying to kill me?

"Producer Giriboy's team!"

I bite on my lip and look down. I was so confident, maybe a little too much. Oh no, this means two eliminations from our group.

Some fans start to cry, while others keep cheering. I look over to Hoshi who gives me a small but encouraging smile.

"I will now announce the two trainees who'll be eliminated" The crowd starts booing again "Among all the trainees on Genius Nochang's team the trainees who will be eliminated..."

If it's me, will I have to leave today? I'll pack my things and return to the old dorm and start the training again for who knows how long. Maybe I won't ever debut. Maybe this was my only chance and the nearest to a debut I could ever come. What if I train for many more years but in the end I finally give up and quit? What am I going to do then? I'll have to return to my family if I can't find a job. I'll have to return to my... mother.

"...are going to be revealed on the show when it airs." K. Will finally finishes his sentence.

A few minutes later the shootings take a short break for the audience to leave. They'll have to wait and see. I search the crowd to see if Soonyoung has already left. Of course he hasn't, he makes a sign telling me I should meet him in the hallway.

"Uhm, could you guys please excuse me I really need to go to the toilet." No one answers "Yeah, then I'll be off."

Yup, no one cares. I jog behind the stage while trying to find the way to the hallway. Shit where was the door again? Dang my bad sense of orientation. After running around the backstage area for 5 minutes I finally find the door.

"Dude, where have you been?" Hoshi comes towards me pulling me into a big hug. I burry my head into his shoulder and try not to cry.

"I know your team lost this round but this doesn't mean that you'll be eliminated. After what you brought at the performance they'd be dumb to let you go. They'd be stupid to let someone like you go."

I want to answer him but I'm too scared that I'll cry. I know as soon as I start talking I won't be able to hold my tears back.

"You know that you shouldn't hold back your feelings, especially when you're with me." I don't dare to look up, I can't do it. I don't want to cry. No matter who it is I don't want to cry in front of anyone, even if it's my best friend and the person I trust the most.

"You've always been like this and I'll wait for the day you'll finally be able to be completely comfortable with me. I'll be patient and support you no matter what."

Is he specifically trying to make me cry or what? I want to tell him that it's not because I'm not comfortable around him, after all he's my biggest supporter and my absolute favorite person on earth. Instead of telling him what I think I completely sink into his arms and start to let my tears flow.

I'm not good with words, I could never say all of this out loud. But I'm completely comfortable around him and I want to show him that. Because in this moment I finally understood that by hiding my pain from my best friend, I hurt not only myself but also him. How terrible it must feel when you aren't able to help someone you care about. I realized that he probably felt not included and like I didn't trust him enough to tell him what pains me. Still all of this time he was patient with me.

"I'm sorry." I cry "I didn't realize how you felt about me not showing my true feelings, I just didn't want to bother you."

"You've always been there for me, Hyejin, I just felt so bad that I couldn't help you or at least comfort you. Thank you for trusting me. And now that you trust me, believe me when I say that they won't eliminate you." He lifts my head and wipes my tears.

"What the hell did I do in my past life to deserve you?" I smile at him. "I should go back now and fix my face, I probably look like a mess."

"Yes, you kinda do." Hoshi laughs

"Yah! It's all because of you. You made me cry with your cheesy talk." I slap his shoulder "I'll go now." I turn around and walk away.

"Don't forget to call me after the shootings!" he shouts, maybe a little too loud. I turn around and put my index finger in front of my mouth. Hoshi gives me guilty grin and waves. Shaking my head I walk off.

Everyone's still sitting on the stage and waiting as I arrive.

"Is everyone ready? We'll start with the shootings now!" a staff shouts.

The judges take their seat and start discussing the elimination our team is ordered to stand in the center of the stage while the other groups takes their place in the back.

"Two of you will be eliminated today. You all worked very hard but in the end it's only a few who can debut. The two trainees who will be eliminated are..."

I can clearly feel my legs shaking and my hands sweating like crazy. The silence is killing me. I know this is all to build tension in the show but it's just so cruel.

"Well done, Yoonho and Sua." I take deep breaths and close my eyes. Do not cry, under no circumstances.

I hug Sua who was standing next to me. She smiles at me "I wish you all the best, Hyejin-ah." I can see the pain in here smile. "Unnie, you are so talented. I'm sure there will be many opportunities for you." She nods.

"Guys, I'm only 19 years, I still have time." I look over to Yoonho who gives everyone a sweet smile.

Smiling I walk towards him and give him a quick hug. I really couldn't care less about the cameras right now. "You are a great person Yonnho -ah. I promise with these amazing skills and your beautiful personality you'll debut for sure"

"Thank you, Hyejin-ah"

"Cut!" a stuff calls out.

Today's shootings are finally finished.

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