On His Journey To Forget

Chapter Four

~Sanem~

Nihat and Mevkibe kept a vigil over their daughter for the first few days. She was in and out of consciousness, and the presence of the medication helped her stay calm. Up until then, her fits of pain and disbelief that Can was gone, were more than her parents could stand. The doctors felt she would need to be sedated on more of a regular basis, then she would need therapy and counseling to help her come back to herself. What they had witnessed with their daughter was enough to break their hearts. Seeing this beautiful and vibrant girl be diminished to a shell of a person made their feelings for Can turn to despise.  They hadn't gotten the full story of what had happened, but nothing should have made him hurt Sanem the way he did. 

The condition of Yigit which had been fabricated by Huma, was played out like an Oscar winning performance, by both Yigit and Huma. There wasn't anything she wouldn't do to keep Sanem away from her son. The arrival of Polen back in Istanbul was also orchestrated by Huma, she would help her convince everyone that Yigit had been a victim of Can and was clinging to life by a thread. And with Sanem herself, on the brink of insanity, she was sure that they would help each other to heal when the time came.. Her only hope was that Can would take this time to forget Sanem and his infatuation with her, and find someone else or, realize that Polen was indeed the only person to make him happy. Only time would prove to them all what a mistake Can had made by falling in love with Sanem, and she would  be rid of this simple,  ridiculous village girl. 

~Can~

With all the hurt inside him, his own form of insanity was evident. He could barely think beyond the minor things, the  skills that he needed to man the boat through the water had been more of an instinct thing.  To make a decision about anything was completely out of the question, except the fact he would have to stop off at one of the islands to refuel before heading out into the open sea. The thought of being around people was hard to comprehend, but it would be necessary, only for supplies, if he was to make it out there. He chose to stop at Kythira, it was the furthest island to the west, in the Greece Islands. It was a small island, with only one port, so he had to stop for fuel and water. He could tell he hadn't brought along enough clothing, so that's was something he would have to take care of on his stop also. He saw the lights from the port In the distance, he turned the boat in that direction, all he wanted was to refuel, pickup a couple of rain suits and a jacket, then be on his way,....oh, a couple a bottles of whiskey, he couldn't forget the whiskey. His head was in a fog as he drifted into the port with the scarf wrapped tightly around hand, like it was his lifeline.

The whole process took longer than he expected, as he searched along the pier for a place to buy the rain suits. His boat was fueled up and he had stocked up with water, he asked the gentleman at the pier for the closest bar. He showed him the way, and Can headed there for the final and most important purchase. The bar was fairly empty for an evening in a port town, so he ask for a drink. He took the glass and quickly downed the shot, almost without thinking about it, then he shoved the glass over and motioned for a refill. The bartender repeated the shot, and Can downed that shot as well. He asked him for two bottles of the best whiskey he had, paid and made his way back to his boat. The booze had taken the edge off of his nerves, but he was ready to get back on his way, ready to look out across the empty water, ready for the silence. 

The next few days were a blur in his head, as he let the wind do most of the work. Pushing him along in the water of the Mediterranean Sea, with nothing to see or do but think. Sanem had taken a permanent place in his mind, and he couldn't seem to shake her, as hard as he tried, as much as he drank, she was still there. The scarf was something that held him together when he thought he was losing his mind, the smell of it calmed him, the feel of it against his skin made his heart beat fast. She would never leave him, she was in his soul forever. The nights were the worst, if he tried to sleep it always ended in a nightmare of Yigits accident, or the look in Sanem's eyes when he said goodbye. Would this ever end, would he ever forget her, no......his mind said. 

The weather had been on his side, with nothing more than a little rain over the last few weeks, just to cool things off. He had been gone now for almost 2 months, the best he could remember, but it was hard to keep track of time out here in the middle of nowhere. He lounged out on the front deck of the boat, letting the late afternoon sun warm his body. There wasn't a reason to put much clothes on, so just his boxers would do, as he let the wind blow his long hair. He stretched out with his arms above his head, listening to the splash of waves against the boat. The rocking of the boat and the warmth of the sun made him sleepy and before he knew it he was in a deep sleep, something he tried to avoid because it always brought in the dreams. 

They were in Agua, one of the first times they had been together. They were on the bike trails, and she stopped to look at the bride rock. He begged her to tell him the story, so she was explaining to him this love story of a ship captain and a young maiden from the town. He was mesmerized by her, watching her lips as she talked, feeling his heart beat faster and harder. But she had stepped to close to the edge of the cliff, and she started to fall. He grabbed for her, just barely touching her finger tips, as she fell. The feeling was overwhelming, terrifying, as she disappeared from his sight, as he tried desperately to catch her. He yelled her name over and over, with the tears streaming down his face. He jerked, bolting upright from the spot on the deck, his face wet from the tears. He was breathing hard, it seemed so real, he knew it didn't happen like that, but this was so real.

It took him an hour or so to calm down. The reality of it had been more than he could believe, repeating over in his head, " It was just a dream, a nightmare, it didn't really happen."  He searched for the last bottle of whiskey and poured a shot, quickly letting it slide down his throat, burning as it went down. He couldn't shake the feeling, it was a weird feeling, like something was terribly wrong. He went below to his cabin, found the scarf, and wrapped it tightly around his hand. 

The flashes of memory that the scarf brought were just as unsettling. The time she told him to leave, the time she resigned from the agency, the thoughts of Fabri. 

But this piece of cloth was all he had to hold of hers, all that made him right....

His heart was heavy, and his mind was troubled.......he knew there was something wrong with Sanem.......