On His Journey To Forget

Chapter Eleven

The night air was crisp and fresh, as he stretched out on the stern of the boat. He had a strange calmness inside, like he had accepted what he had done, he would shoulder the responsibility of the hurt he had caused. For once he thought of something else, for the first time since he had sailed away from his home, he was thinking about his father and Emre. He was sure that his Dad knew by now what he had done. Emre had surely contacted him, letting him know that his perfect son, the one he depended on and trusted, had walked away from his responsibilities of the agency. He had ran, just like all the other times, just like everyone knew he would. The words from Sanem that day when he told her he would leave with Polen, take the job she offered, turn his back on her. Never had any words ever been more true. He was like his mother, as hard as he tried not to be, he was a person that couldn't be trusted.

At his next stop he would sent a note to his father, letting him know he was ok, that was the least he could do after destroying his company. He drifted off to sleep with a heavy heart, but one that accepted his faults, and vowed never to forget. He had slept for a few hours, but that seemed to be all he needed these days, as he stirred around, his body stiff from sleeping on the hard shell of the boat. He had decided to shove off that morning, time to move on, separate himself from the living, getting back to his nature,.....loneliness. He went below and readied the galley and his cabin for travel, making sure everything was secure. Made a cup of coffee, grabbed a piece of fruit and went up top to untie the boat. It was going to be a gray day, as the clouds covered the blue sky, making it gloomy. He wasn't sure of the weather out here on the large open water, so he decided to stay a little closer to the shore, just in case. 

A few hours later the image of the Canary Islands had faded and he was once again facing this time alone. He set his sails to travel south, out around the Cabo Verde islands, and on down the western coast of Africa. He had been to several different place in Africa, the remote places, taking photos of this exceptional country, but this time he hadn't planned on going ashore, not unless he needed fuel. The image of the woman on the pier that he had mistaken for Sanem was still vivid in his memory as he gazed out at the horizon. A slight smile eased across his face, the remembrance of her laughter could always make him feel better. But that's all it was, just a memory, a memory that he was sure would never be real again. He would remove himself from the living, make himself forget the life he wanted so badly, make himself forget the love he had for her. It was the only way for him to survive, he would have to destroy the old Can. 

~ Sanem ~

Sanem was on yet another book-signing engagement, this one was at home, in the largest bookstore in Istanbul. Her life had evolved into a life of demands and obligations, and with her life at home being less than desirable, she needed to find a place to heal. Leila and Emre had lost everything, the agency, their home, and almost their marriage after Can left and the agency went bankrupt. They moved into her parents house, making the place she he always called home seem more like a private hell. Emre had openly accused her for the downfall of the company, and the losing of everything he had, but most of all, they blamed her for the disappearance of Can. They had covered up their responsibility in it all, with Huma and Yigit's plan to destroy her and Can's relationship, they almost destroyed themselves. They both narrowly escaped just as the investigation into the false medical record was coming to light. 

She had thought many times about moving away from the neighborhood, finding a nice little apartment in Istanbul, but her mother always stopped her, she was just to afraid her unstable condition would rear its ugly head again and she would fall back into that pit of hopelessness. But this day at the book signing, a beautiful older woman approached her, completely enthralled with her book. She told her it reminded her of a love that she too had lost many years ago. She offered to buy Sanem a cup of coffee and a chance to get to know her. That woman was Mihriban, and she did indeed get to know her. Over the next few days they became friends, with the story of their life being so similar. Mihriban learned of Sanems need to distance herself from her family so Mihriban offered her a place to live at her home. The farm was beautiful, just what Sanem needed, a place to be herself, without the looks of judgement and guilt. She wanted to heal her mind and heart so she excepted her invitation. But not without a lot opposition from her mother. She gathered her strength and insisted that she had to do this, convincing her mother with the help of her Dad. 

That move proved to be the turning point of her life. She grew stronger and more sure of herself, with the book deal and the start of her second book, she felt she was on her way to an acceptance of what her life would be now. She had to accept a life without Can, without the love of her life, without the reason of her  existence. The hurt of watching him leave that night at the hospital was still so vivid and present in her mind. She tried to forget it, telling herself he never really loved he or he wouldn't have left her. She relived the times they had, good and bad, like a constant movie rerunning over and over in her mind. She tried to stay strong, almost too strong, as her joy for life seemed to be gone. She replaced that joy she once had with a determination to succeed, but she knew that even that would never make her happy again, not like she had been with Can. 

Her most devoted friend CeyCey, had refused to leave her side through it all. He had also lost an important person  in his life, the friendship he had with Can was much like a brother. It made him feel responsible for Sanem, he wanted to keep her safe and protected for Can, just in case he should ever return. The change in Sanem over the months concerned him, she walked away from the fun loving, crazy, wonderful woman, and took on the face of a serious and determined business woman. He longed for his friend to come back, to replace this substitute person that took life way to serious, but it seemed she was making her life on her own, and without Can.

The restart of the agency had been an idea of CeyCeys for a while. He longed for that time in his life again. He wanted a place to start over, and the farm seemed like the perfect place. But Sanem may have different thoughts about it, and the last thing he wanted to do was cause her anymore pain. He knew how this place had helped her, kept her from completely going insane. This was the place she found herself,... made herself move on, she had replaced that old Sanem. This Sanem knew what she wanted, knew what was important to her, and she knew she could do it. 

This life from now on, was her life....

It would be what she wanted, and how she wanted....

That was how she would deal with this heartbreak.......but she would never be able to forget the love that was to be forever in her soul....