The black widow X reader

Part 6//nightmares

Your POV:
Stepping off the quinjet you couched onto your side trying to go unnoticed with one arm around Nat. The mission had all gone to plan but you had deliberatly ignored an order from Captain Rogers. He was screaming down the comms for me to stay in position but I saw the stray enemy take a shot as Nat while she had her back turned and a ran over and intercepted the bullet before it hit her. It wasn't bad, just a flesh wound but you could feel the blood seeping through your compressed fingers on top of the wound. I knew Steve would rant when we got home but he just glanced at me from the other side of the jet. He hadn't particularly liked me from the start. I had known Nat since we were in the red room but she had gotten out and founds me after her second year as an avenger. Steve hated me ever since her first mission with me at the compound. I walked up to her as she got off the jet and immediately she fell into me silently crying and Steve has never seen her that voulnrable. I guess he thought they were closer whitch I understand but it's that's not on me. Or her.

You got back to the compound and headed straight to your shared room knowing Nat wasn't far behind but you just needed to get changed before she saw your side. You stepped into the bathroom and pulled off your suit. There was a 2 inch open wound on your stomach that probably needed stitches. For now you took a damp towel and cleaned it over letting it dry before sicking a square gauze over the area and gently patted it down.
Steve announces he needed everyone in the meeting room immediately and you knew you were going to get done.
U thrower a hoodie over your sports bra and a pair of athletic shorts making sure the gauge was hidden, and wondered out of the room and up the halal barley stopping to speak to Nat.

When you get to the meeting room Sam, buck, Wanda and vision were already sat down and tony rested looking out of the window. You filed in and leaned up against the door frame as Nat went to sit in front of you. Steve didn't take his heated eyes off you the whole time.

"Today's mission could have gone very south" he said not taking his eyes of me
"But it didn't" Sam joined "and we got the files and got back"

He knew just as well as me that I was gonna get yelled at and was trying to help out.
Steve walked over to me and shook his head.

"Your out of the next mission" he said bowing his head down.
"You have got to be kidding me" I replied scoffing
"You didn't follow direct oederes" he snapped back
"I did what I had to do!" I snapped back eaqully as hard
"What if you left your post and we didn't get those files?"
"But we did. And everyone's safe!" I said breaking my stance and standing up to him.
"You made it personal!" He raged
"I protected her! I did what I had to do to keep her safe! And that was the most important thing" I could feel my face getting heated.
"The most important thing was the mission!"he exclaimed.
We were both shouting now.
"If anything happened to her you might as well be the one putting the gun to my head! If you are waiting for me to apologise and say it won't happen again your not going to get it. Because I will do it over and over again and you know that! I can't loose her! She is the only thing keeping me alive Rogers."
Tears are stinging at my eyes but I won't let them drop
I take a huge gulp of air and realised I have him pushed up against the wall with my forearm against his chest and my right hand balling at my side.
I take a breath and step back scared buy my own moves. My rage had gotten the better of me. Again.
"I'm sorry"I whisper  but he is not looking at me with anger now sympathy and guilt. He knew he hit a nerve.
I turn to leave and the others all have their heads down with the same expression. Apart from Nat who has a single tear on her cheek. But I can't. If I look at her I will crumble right now so I just walked past her and straight to my room.
I knew she was stood at the door of the bedroom but didn't say anything. I bent down to get my hand wraps from the draw and head for the door but she doesn't move. She just takes the wraps and begins wrapping my shaking bruised hands.
She knows that when I'm angry the best thing to do is let me go box or go and a run.
She finishes wrapping my shakey hands and let's me walk past.