Rain Rain Go Away | #ONC2021

Chapter Eight

I tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep as my subconscious was bombarded with bits and pieces of memories and conversation. Part of it could have been because of the alcohol intake without the dinner to accompany it, but even still, I couldn't get beyond Jason and the pain I seemed to be causing him just by breathing.

And what bothered me the most is that I just couldn't remember what I did, or how I hurt him so much.

I knew... knew that there was a part of him that always wanted more of me than I could give, at least at the time. And maybe... maybe my leaving how I did wasn't with the best of intentions where salvaging relationships were involved. But I needed to know...

And I wasn't going to get answers starting at the ceiling in the dark.

Straightening the straps of my tank over my sleep shorts, the tiled floor was cool against my bare feet as I padded across the room to my door. The room didn't have a clock, but as I looked out into the rest of the suite, it was still dark, and the two other doors nearest mine were both closed. Careful not to create too much of a disturbance, I slowly crept past the door I knew was Chelsea's to the one beyond it, last slammed shut by Jason in a fit of anger. Because of me.

Holding my breath, I tried the handle.

It was unlocked.

I opened the door as carefully as I could, not wanting to startle Jason out of his sleep, but if memory served he was an incredibly heavy sleeper and most likely wouldn't stir until I shook him awake.

I was partially correct, for he didn't begin to move until I settled on the end of his bed. He also didn't seem surprised, not as he clicked on the light next to the bed and blinked away the sleep as he looked down at me.

"What's wrong, Sam?" he asked, his voice hoarse.

I bit my lip. There was something almost too intimate coming to him like this, but the questions were tearing me apart inside and I knew I wasn't going to have any rest until they were answered. "I need you to tell me what happened. All of it."

The look he gave me was assessing as if he was personally debating between appeasing me or sending me out on my ass.

"Jay, please... stop acting like you're protecting me."

"It's not you I'm trying to protect."

I cocked my head to the side. "What is that supposed to mean?"

He just ran a hand through his hair before sitting up to face me. He leaned over to grab his glasses, and in the lamplight the skin of his bare chest was almost golden. I made a point to keep my attention above the blankets that pooled at his waist lest there be nothing else underneath.

"Does Chelsea know you're in here?"

"What does Chelsea have to do with any of this?"

"She's nosy."

"She can fuck off."

A surprised chuckle escaped him as he settled back against the headboard. I tucked my legs underneath me as I perched on the end of his bed, waiting.

And waiting.

It seemed almost forever before he spoke, his gaze falling to the space on the bed between us, but I waited for him to talk, so I would give him as long as he needed. I owed that much to him. He deserved that.

The muscle in his jaw fluttered as his attention raised to meet my eyes. There was something in that stare that caught my heart in my throat, but I bit my lip and let him speak.

"You and I had known each other forever, and we were already there for each other, best friends through thick and thin. Everyone always used to call you the sister I never had, and as adorable as it was at the time, it hurt. Because it immediately put me into that friend zone regardless of what else may or may have happened between us.

"I never made a big deal about it. Never wanted to pressure you into doing anything you didn't want to do because that's not the Samantha I knew. But with each day we grew closer, and I knew in my heart that there was never going to be anyone to replace you there.

"Until you announced you got your scholarship. And you were so excited to finally be getting away, I knew if I didn't say something— do something— before you left, I'd never get the chance to again. You'd be gone, I'd be forgotten and life would go on."

"That's not true," I started to say, but the rest of the words caught in my throat.

"But that's exactly what happened," Jay whispered, running a hand down his face. "So when Chelsea announced the party, and I knew we were all going to be there, I promised myself the night wouldn't end without me at least telling you how I felt.

"When I finally got you alone— when you actually agreed to leave the dancing and come upstairs to talk to me— for once I felt that flicker of something good. That all those years of keeping my feelings to myself were worth it, if only for this one moment. But when I told you I loved you—"

"Jason..." I knew where this was going and I didn't know if my heart could handle it again.

"You let me kiss you. You let me have that one moment of hope... and then you threw it all away. Because of Tony-fucking-Marino."

"But..." I couldn't help the cringe. "I never knew—"

"I know you didn't. You couldn't have. Because I was so damn good at making sure you didn't know. So much so I even let you leave without trying to say goodbye."

"I thought you hated me."

"I wanted to. It would have been a hell of a lot more easier than what I've been feeling every day since."

"And what's that?" I knew I was walking into it. I knew the answer before he even said it. But a part of me wanted to hear it. Selfishly, I needed to hear it.

If he was aware of my coaxing he didn't let it show. Maybe he needed to say it out loud as much as I wanted to lead him to it.

"That I am in love with you, and will continue to be in love with you, whether you want me or not."

The space between us felt too much as if those years apart were widening the distance and we were going to have to claw our way back to one another. And what was it all worth? A high school disagreement and me being too stubborn to face the fact that had hurt my best friend?

And we weren't kids anymore.

Slowly, I crawled across the bed, my body moving before I could consider the ramifications. He watched every movement I made as I kneeled over his lap, bracing my hands on the bed next to him as I met his gaze, our faces no more than an inch apart.

"What if I told you I want you right now?" I breathed.

His throat bobbed as he swallowed. "And tomorrow?"

"Can we worry about tomorrow in the morning?"

He let out a breathy chuckle but brought a hand to my cheek all the same. "You're sure?"

I nodded, leaning into the warmth of his hand on my already heated cheek. "What good are vacations if they don't give us a chance to have some fun?"

"Fun, huh?" he murmured as he closed the distance between us, brushing his lips against mine. "I think I can handle some fun."

"We'll see," I purred.

The challenge seemed to ignite something in him and he crashed his lips into mine, turning our position so that he was lying me down on his pillows and bracing his body above mine as our kiss deepened with each stroke of his tongue in my mouth.

He was, in fact, clothed beneath the blankets, but it was only his boxers and my shorts that separated us, five years of waiting pressing against me as I made room between my legs for him. My fingers ran through his thick hair as his hands groped my breast through my tank, and I wasn't able to stop the moan that escaped my throat.

He smiled against my lips, and I think it was the first time I'd seen it in five years.

At that moment, with our bodies tangled with one another's, our mouths kissing any bit of skin we could find, I promised myself that I was going to do everything I could to make sure that I was the only reason he smiled ever again.