(currently 1:15am and crying over this song, really hits different at these hours tbh...
Also these chapters vary in length so please don't be disappointed when you find out this chap only had like, 550 words)
He didn't remember what happened, to be honest, he didn't want to, his head felt fuzzy, he didn't know when he ended up in his bed, he didn't know why his phone wasn't in charge, he didn't know anything as far as his mind liked to think.
Wait...
What..?
He heard a few noises to signal his members were definitely awake so he decided to drag himself out of bed, his sleeves rubbed on his wrist, the sudden stinging sensation overtook him.
"Shit..." It hit him like a truck speeding on a motorway.
The stylists...
They were definitely going to find out
The members...
Everything will change between them, he wanted things to stay the same.
Please
Don't
Make
Things
Change
Between
Us.
He dared to speak too soon but the voice that was constantly ringing in his head had silenced. It was never this quiet, he always had a voice mocking him in his head, it wasn't new, he just couldn't cope anymore, maybe it was because he hadn't caught up on sleep recently?
Maybe it was because he was stressed?
Maybe it was because he was sick of using up the energy to not let the voice effect him only for it to continue echoing.
Maybe it was all of the above...
Stop it Jisung, come on, stop thinking about it, smile, get ready and face the members.
He looked in the mirror and made himself look at least acceptable. He then gathered the courage to open the door after grabbing his phone that was discarded on the floor.
He knew it was unhygienic but he really wasn't feeling up to shower. He'd do it later.
"Good morning Sungie" Felix sung in a sing-song-y voice.
"Morning Lix" He replied in a hushed mumbled
"Are you okay?"
"Absolutely A-OK" he replied, still speaking in a low monotone as he sat down on the sofa next to Minho, who was on his phone, scrolling through the endless posts on social media.
"Hi Sungie" he said, not looking up from his phone
"Hey" Jisung replied, letting his mind wonder as he thought about what had happened recently and what will happen.
Chan knows... To some extent... Surely he would let the stylists know that he probably shouldn't wear shirt sleeves.
But he didn't want things to change.
He didn't want the stylists treating him like some toddler who needed attending to 24/7 just because of his mental health struggles.
He wanted to be treated like a normal human being.
Chan...
Chan was something special, he was... And still is such a great person, he knew, even if his old friend anxiety told him otherwise, Chan would treat him like the same friend he's had for years, he knew, Chan would take care of him, he knew, Chan would comfort him.
Yet he was still too scared to open up properly to the leader
He'll find the courage some day...
But that some day was not today.
He knew he wasn't hiding this as well as he hoped, but he just wanted to feel something again.
That wasn't negative.
....
It's
Too
Quiet.
For once he wasn't telling the voice to shut the fuck up.
He wanted it to say something do he didn't think of nothing.
But he also didn't want it to say anything, he wanted to be able to leave the voice behind him, and be happy.
He hoped that day will come.
He didn't care how long it took.
He just wanted a damn break from this voice.
I never leave
[][][]
Please it's been so long, and I'm sorry for anyone who actually reads this, I know I said I'd write this when I feel upset, but recently I've just been feeling so empty and useless, so forgive me for not updating.
The more I stay up.
I realise.
Kpop is keeping me alive.
At least, it keeps me happy sometimes
The more I stay up.
I realise.
This is life, it's something I have to learn to deal with.
I threw away my razor blade.
But I've been so numb, I always have the feeling that I want to cry but just can't.
And I'm sorry for the rant but:
To the fake, depressed kids (I'm not diagnosed myself, but I sure as hell know you won't like it) take your happy fucking life and piss off, because people would do anything to have a happy life like yours. Stop faking depression and mental health thinking it's quirky, because I know for fucking sure you wouldn't like it, sufferers want happy lifes, and you using your life like that is really upsetting.
(Sorry if that offended anyone I really needed to get it off my chest)
