TW//
SELF HARM
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The rest of the interview was fine in Jisung's eyes, he didn't get asked any more questions. Emphasis on fine, fine is never good, The voices got louder, taunting him on what others are thinking of him upon his short lame answers for the very few questions he got asked. He didn't feel well mentally or physically.
The voice drained him, he wanted to cry right there. They wouldn't shut up.
The members are probably disappointed in you. Unable to answer simple questions and speak in a stable voice. Can you just hold a stable voice and answer more confidently? No! You're so useless, I don't understand how you got through that survival show, you should've been eliminated in stray kids, you shouldn't have made it this far, you're talentless, people don't even like you because of your looks they like you because the have to
It wasn't fine
He wasn't fine
Don't burden your members with it.
He always thought this, how could he keep this to himself now? They were getting too loud, the voices wouldn't stop ringing loudly around his head.
He was about to be sick. But the interview. The members. He couldn't worry them. But he couldn't help them. The voices drove him over to the edge.
All eyes were on him again "Oh, Jisung?" He heard Bang Chan's worry voice sound out from the chorus of worried noises leave the others.
He wasn't sick, he was just crying.
I'm disappointed in you Jisung, all the members are too, why did you start crying, can you not handle me? A simple voice, how weak are you?
'really weak' he replied back in his mind.
He wiped his tears swiftly and apologized to the interviewer and members profusely. He shook it off like nothing happened. Thank God it was another break. They spoke about the comeback and it was almost time to wrap everything up.
To which they did, and it was finally time to get back into the van.
Jisung got in next to Bang Chan and immediately laid his head on his shoulder.
"Want to talk about what's on your mind when we get back bud?" Chan asked, fiddling with the younger rapper's hair. (Bud, pls 🥺)
To which he responded with a small head shake, signalling he didn't want to "Just don't feel well, that's all"
Chan nodded, putting a hand on the younger's forehead "you're burning up" he said in acknowledgment of the heat radiating off him like a radiator "you should take a rest before dance practice, or just take a break today"
No, you mustn't take a break, the member's will think you're lazy, you mustn't be lazy and disappoint the members!
Jisung didn't dare obligate with the controlling voice that rung out in his mind. "I can go to practice" he mumbled out
"Are you sure? You seem pretty ill" Bang Chan looked at Jisung's face for confirmation, getting a nod in response.
He let out a dejected sigh and nodded "very well"
The voice kept telling him to do well in practicing. Jisung would stress over the smallest move he got wrong. It was tiering, yet he kept going. Despite his sickness, despite the stress building up in him
Despite the voice
He practiced longer than the other members to be perfect like that voice said. Soon it was 3am, how on earth did he not realise.
