After All These Years | ✔

7 - LARA

Candles were lit that night. There was no electricity or plumbing in the old house and Lara felt like she was living in the 1800's. They had made endless trips from the hidden car to the old house, travelling with a huge amount of food and supplies. When they were done, all Lara could do was fall back onto the wooden double bed, exhausted.

Her candle, which stood in its new royal blue holder, flickered in front of her, casting shadows on her tired face. Turning on her side, the pain in her back eased and she could relax properly into the uneven bedding. It was clean yes, but the mattress beneath her was cheap, left here by Zac's family years ago.

The whole house wasn't ideal, but she viewed it as bearable simply because she was sharing it with him. Lara could tell just by looking at the expression on Zac's face as they walked through the creaky, wooden door of the shack, that this house held many memories for him. She wasn't sure how long it would take for her to feel the same way. But, the moment she felt his body behind her and his arm fall over her swollen stomach, she felt a glimpse of peace; an emotion that had felt foreign to her for so many months.

The candle began to dim and Lara found herself falling into a deep slumber, wrapped in the arms of the one who held all her love and especially, her trust.

Lara woke up early the following morning, awoken by the hum of insects all around her, the sounds of the forest seeming too loud to be real. Her ears then pricked to the sound of Zac scuffing his boots on the wooden flooring as he carried in a pile of wood through to the fireplace and dropped them on the ground. She turned over on the bed to watch the cloud of dust rise at his feet from the impact and he lifted his head the sound of rustling sheets.

"Morning. Found a tree stump out the front. Thought I'd give the new axe a workout."

"You thought you'd give the axe a workout, hey?"

Zac shrugged and brushed his hands together; sweat gleaming on his cheeks as he grinned, "It's harder than it looks, that's for sure." He came over and leant down to kiss her briefly, giving her a whiff of the dampness and wood smell on him, and he then turned to stack the chopped pieces in a basket next to the fire, "But, I better get used to it. Gotta stock up for all those coffee's you'll be wanting hot water for."

He turned back and winked at her, but his words hit hard. It was only their first day there, and Zac seemed to be taking it all in his stride, excited for the tough years ahead. She was worried she'll never feel comfortable and satisfied in the place he knew so well.

But as Lara put her feet to the floor, and dressed herself in a loose, summer dress that was the opposite of the school uniform she'd been forced to wear for so long, she couldn't help but notice the rush of freedom that came over her like a breeze. And that was a feeling she could so easily find herself addicted to.

For the next two months, Lara and Zac made the small shack their home. Zac's family had already done a lot of the work. The house was furnished and looked as though they had lived in it for a couple of years. Apart from the occasional critter and faintly rotten floorboard, the house was liveable. But the two of them replaced sheets in the main bedroom, and also on the bunkbeds Zac and his brothers used to share in a tiny room off to the side. They patched up a couple of broken windows, repaired cracks in the timber, dusted, cleaned and decorated like they were expert renovators, but not a huge amount of work needed to be done for the house to be completely safe and secluded from the elements outside. After just a couple of weeks, the kitchen and fireplace was suitable for cooking, the beds were safe to sleep on and Lara was content. And the more it began to look like their own, little space, the more she began to fall in love with it.

Their small cabin was completely surrounded by thick bush and dense trees. Zac and her ventured out and explored the whole area; getting a feel for the land they now named theirs. Lara found that they were fenced into a protected area that consisted of scrubland, open grass clearings and a single long creek bed that ran almost parallel to the large lake nearby. The noises they heard on the tin roof during the night also told them that animal life reigned in this part of the woods, and for some reason, and made Lara feel a little less lonesome.

During the day, they sat out in the sun and read books about homestead life. Zac began setting animal traps, and he came back most days with more than one catch to cook up for supper. Lara left the skinning to him, though; it had been a long time since she could handle the sight of any kind of uncooked meat without emptying her stomach.

Instead, she taught herself to sew with the small sewing kit her boarding school had given her, and learnt how to wash Zac's dirty clothes with only soap and a bucket of fresh water collected from the lake. When the nights grew warmer and the forest rose into summer, that same lake would provide a cool escape from the heat, and relief when the pain her back became unbearable. It was where they both had their baths; refreshing and beautiful – the part of the day that Lara loved the most – but always stressful with the constant fears being seen.

Lara couldn't say it was easy, in fact, everyday life was getting harder.

She found that though she was becoming more familiar with the new ways of life every day, for some reason, she still couldn't sleep. She lay awake in the old house, listening to the trees and small animals scuffing on the windows and roof above her for what seemed like hours at a time. Even though she convinced herself she was happy and content, lying in the same bed as her lover, she didn't feel completely peaceful.

Maybe it was the memory of her family, or the second-hand guilt she felt for Zac. Whatever it was, it was a feeling that didn't go away, even in the moments when she felt Zac's tender eyes on her as he hovered close and sketched her as she progressed through the months; her growing stomach and seemingly calm face marking his sketchbook over and over. It made her heart happy to know that with all the work he continued to do for her in and around the cabin, Zac still found the time and energy to draw, and Zac spent many afternoons sitting on a broken tree, transferring whatever lovely view he saw onto paper. It seemed he was flourishing, and she admired him and how drastically he had changed in only a couple of months.

"You're just amazing..." Lara found herself saying one night in early January as they relaxed on the couch, flicking through his sketchbook. She had her head resting on his shoulder, and when she said the words, he leaned down and kissed her forehead as a thank you. Lara lifted her head to catch his gaze when he withdrew; "I can't believe I ever doubted you." She ran her fingers over the seams on Zac's jeans and he sunk further back into the torn couch when she pressed her lips to his.

"Me, on the other hand... I don't know how I'm going to do it."

He picked up on her meaning and tried to joke; "Now why would you say that? You've barely put those things down since we've gotten here." He gestured to the bookcase near the front door.

It was true; she had read every word of the large pile of pregnancy books, during the trip in the car or on the small patio at the rear of the house. Her brain knew what to do, but the fear inside her was now greater than she had ever known. She knew that as soon as the cramps started, she would probably forget it all.

And she did.

Three days later pain rose up from her lower abdomen and her brain raced with fear. She dropped her sewing needles and cried out for Zac, who was outside working at a tree. He came in quickly and he led her to the bedroom, the sweat on his arms cool against her shoulders. Doubts filled Lara's mind like a cascading river after the dam breaks as she felt the aching worsen and her legs start to cramp up. She tried to breathe, her breaths coming out as uneven as the waves of pain.

No matter how hard it was adjusting to life here with Zac, she knew that this would be the hardest thing she'd have to do. Their most important life-changing decision was now taking its toll, and there was no going back now.