After All These Years | ✔

43 - CARLIE

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Carlie

One hour.

After all these years, there was only 60 minutes left until she would lay eyes on him again.

And she felt it, too. The shake in her hands was so strong that Carlie could barely grip the steering wheel of her car. Every time she stopped at a red light she pressed them together, or adjusted the flowers in their vase, just to keep her restless fingers busy.

Carlie had placed the arrangement of flowers in the drink holder next to her, and now and again they brushed against her arm as she drove through the city.

The pulse in her neck was strong, but her stomach felt so light, it didn't seem like it was there at all. And she realised Jen was right to compare this situation to her hockey grand final, because she felt just as nervous as she did then, if not more. She just hoped she could muster up the same courage she did on the field that day.

Many minutes passed as she drove through the tall buildings and busy streets, and Carlie began to get lost in her thoughts. It wasn't until she started seeing houses around her, and had to hold the vase in place as she made turns around the roundabouts of suburbia, that she became aware of her movements.

And she felt anxiety creep it's way over her again, like storm clouds rolling in on summers day that was forecast to be sunny. In an instant, she felt like she was moving too fast, everything passing way too quickly when she looked out the windows.

So, when she saw the street sign she was looking for coming towards her, her breath was pulled from her lungs, and she jerked at the wheel.

Carlie narrowly missed someone's bins on the nature strip when she swiftly pulled over to the side of the road. It took her many minutes just to be able to breathe properly. It was as if she'd just been catapulted up into thinner air and could barely draw in oxygen, her head felt so light she was afraid she would pass out with the motor still running.

"Breathe." She tried to assure herself, but her lungs refused to co-operate. She needed something to hold on to, something to get her grounded again. So, Carlie yanked the handbrake into place and relaxed back into her seat. Then, she closed her eyes and wished herself back to the place she last felt grounded; on a lake shore, with her feet sinking in the sand and strong arms holding her close. Carlie heard Louis's voice vibrate through her then, reminding her to breathe in the same way he had that night in the lonely motel room.

And so, she did.

With his words sounding along the same rhythm as the heartbeat in her chest, she pursed her lips and inhaled. And she could taste the fresh, lake air on her tongue as her lungs finally released. She stayed that way, learning how to breathe again, until her heart had slowed and Louis's voice had quieted until it was as soft as the breaking of tiny waves in her imagination. The voice of her GPS replaced the echoing sound, demanding that she "Turn left" every 10 seconds. Carlie silenced the voice by lowering her handbrake and slowly peeling back onto the road and down Sybella avenue.

From that moment on, Carlie felt like she was a movie. The type of film that makes ordinary things look somehow brighter and more interesting than they appear. Her brain was taking in every detail of the narrow street, with its old-fashioned houses and large front lawns. But all of it felt surreal, like she was watching herself through a screen in slow motion, and not through her own eyes. She could see the detail of her eye as she glanced back into the rear-view mirror, and her hands readjusting on the steering wheel in front of her; could admire the enhanced green of the trees and their leaves as they blurred when she passed by them. People were washing their cars on concrete driveways, causing rainbows to appear in the spraying water, the colours appearing like in a dream.