Söbriety • Mötley Crüe •

5. What Are We Doing?

Warnings: Mentions of Previous Drug Use

Nikki's POV

Ryan didn't come back to group therapy. After she ran out crying, the counselor followed her, but returned with a look of defeat on his face about twenty minutes later.

"Where do you think Ryan went? What do you think made her so upset? Who do you think Kelsey is?" Tommy shoots questions at me through a mouth full of bread.

"How the fuck would I know, Tommy?" I snap back, annoyed. He puts his sandwich back on his plate with a sad look on his face.

"I'm just worried about her, bro. She's a cool girl. No need to be a dick."

"I'm sorry. I still feel like shit and the whole fucking letter thing threw me off today."

The rest of the day goes by in a blur, with still no sign of Ryan. I had individual therapy where the counselor made me imagine my addiction in a chair across from me and tell it how much I hate it. Surprisingly, it made me feel relieved. I screamed at an empty chair for almost an hour.

The whole day, Tommy's questions sat in the back of my mind. I want to ask Ryan who Kelsey is the next time I see her, but I don't want to scare her away or make her think I'm prying. I just want to get to know her. My withdrawals don't seem so bad when I'm around her. I don't think about heroin, the band, when the next tour is, or if Doc is gonna be up my ass about material when shes around.

I feel like an idiot, a fourteen year old prepubescent boy with a silly crush. She's just different than any other girl I've met. Shes not interested in my money or my fame, she didn't even know who I was. She was so easy to talk to on the beach last night. She actually made me laugh, like a full whole belly laugh.

I shake off my thoughts and walk into the rec room. They're playing The Breakfast Club, which is a shit movie, but it's better than sitting in my room alone. Tommy decided to pass out early and Vince is off fucking a nurse I'm sure. I stare at the TV screen static as they put in the VHS and wait for the movie to play.

After about twenty minutes I hear the door open and turn to see Ryan with her hair piled on the top of her head, her face splotchy and her eyes bloodshot. My heart skips a beat as I wave her over and she looks around like she doesn't want to sit with me, but she reluctantly comes to sit on the couch. She looks like she's been crying all day, her eyes a piercing blue through the redness.

I could look at those eyes all day.

"Hey." I whisper when she sits down and she gives me a tight lipped smile in return, staring at the TV. I can tell she doesn't want to watch the movie just as much as I don't.

"You wanna go back to the beach?" I ask, and a genuine smile spreads across her face as she nods quickly.

"How will we go when everyone's here and nobody can go with us?" She whispers back.

"I'm Nikki Sixx." I say as if it's the most obvious answer in the world, and she shrugs her shoulders and follows me out of the room.

It took some bribing, but the security guard finally agreed to give us an hour on the beach by ourselves after saying he'll call the police if we don't show back up on time.

We take off our shoes and sit in the sand with our feet in the water, watching the sun slowly set over the water. This place may be shit, but it has an amazing view.

"Are you okay?" I ask her after a long period of silence.

"Yeah." She replies, and I take a moment to look at her as she watches the sun set.