lockdown ☣ lashton au

iii. six days before

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iii. six days before

The next day was Wednesday, being a typical school day for Ashton. Except it was a Day 3, which meant Luke was in none of his classes for the day. Not two, not one, none.

Ashton thought that he might be able to consider that day to be one of his good days. Well. He thought.

The bell rang at the end of his AP Calculus class, and he neatly put his brand new notes away, securing them in his three ringed binder behind the divider labeled "notes". His organization was honestly one of the only things keeping him sane in his shitty life. One of the other things being his best friend, Michael.

Ashton slung his backpack over his shoulder, exiting the class. "Ash!" Ashton turned, his eyes meeting a blue haired boy's who was running towards him. By the time Michael made it to Ashton, he was panting, being incredibly out of shape.

Michael tried to speak multiple times, but failed each of these times because no matter what he did, he couldn't catch his breath. He held a finger up, signifying for Ashton to wait, and Ashton laughed, shaking his head in amusement.

Ashton began walking away, making his way towards the lunchroom. It was his lunch period and he couldn't be happier. Of course, he didn't have a lunch because his mom didn't pack one, but that's where Michael came in handy. He'd always bring a few extra snacks in his lunchbox each day to offer to Ashton.

Despite being hungry, Ashton always declined most of Michael's offers and ended up taking something small from him, like a cheese stick. Ashton was still far from perfect and his body was undesirable and if he ate, things would only get worse. What mom would want an ugly, obese child? Ashton knew that no mom would, and that had to be one of the reasons his mom didn't love him. His hideous appearance. She was probably embarrassed of him, and Ashton didn't blame her for it.

Michael jogged after Ashton, trying his hardest to keep up. But Ashton didn't hold up for him, knowing Michael would catch up once Ashton had sat down. So, Ashton sped up until he made it to his and Michael's designated table in the back corner of the cafeteria, strategically sitting there as to avoid any and all other humans. They didn't really like those.

Ashton took a seat, pulling out his Looking For Alaska novel from his ratty old backpack and beginning to read, knowing Michael would take a shit ton of time to get to the table. He really needed to work out. But, so does Ashton, so maybe he shouldn't be the one to talk. Ashton read, his eyes skimming over a familiar line.

"She smiled with all the delight of a child on Christmas morning and said, 'Y'all smoke to enjoy it. I smoke to die.'"

Ashton had read the story on numerous occasions, yet no matter how many times around, this particular line still made goose bumps rise across his skin.

What stood out to Ashton about it the most was how this was one of the many times throughout the novel where Alaska dropped a hint. A hint at the fact that maybe she was unhappy and maybe she wanted to die. But no matter how many times it happened, Pudge and the Colonel and Takumi and Lara would just take it as another "Alaska moment". So what if Alaska had her moments where she was blatantly intolerable? She was hurting and she had problems with her home life and she practically screamed for help but no one listened. And when she was gone everyone hated her and called her selfish but maybe if they understood that Alaska was just particularly talented when it came to disguising pain, they could've helped. But they didn't.