i think i'm ready to dance again.

insomnia

Louis
Louis looked out his window, staring into the pale light of the sunrise, slowly tracing a single finger over the rope tattoo on his wrist, connecting the ends with each loop around.

'it's been years. get a grip and move on.'

This is what he told himself every morning when he woke up hours before his alarm, thinking about him. He hadn't seen his face since that day. And he hadn't heard his voice properly either, just the old voicemails he listened to occasionally.

He reached over to his bedside table and grabbed his phone, opening the folder entitled 'SHE'. He wrote:

'i haven't slept in years
because when i fall asleep
all i think about is you
and that's not a dream
it's a nightmare.'

He tries to write every morning in the hopes that he can just leave it behind and move on. It never works. He had made the folder the day after they broke up and he titled it 'SHE' meaning 'Styles, Harry Edward' which looking back, wasn't actually all that secretive or creative.

He forced himself out of bed and lazily pulled on a pair of sweats as he lit a cigarette and walked out onto the terrace. He took out his phone and hesitated before tweeting: "if i asked you to dance again, would you say yes?"

All it took was mere seconds for the comments to be blown up by fans referring to the original tweet when Louis had asked Harry if he fancied going ballroom dancing, but he didn't care who saw the tweet, as long as it wasn't Harry. He brushed it off though because, why would Harry be looking at his twitter?

The Brits were in a week and Louis knew that this was going to be the first time that they saw each other. There was no escaping it. Walls was up for Best Debut Album and Fine Line was up for Best International Album. They were going to be in the same building, in the same room, at the same time, performing in front of each other. He thought about what Harry might sing. He couldn't bring himself to listen to any of Harry's music because if he had sat down to write about their relationship and he ended up with Walls, then he can't even begin to imagine the emotions that might be packed into Fine Line. Louis was still deciding between Walls and Always You to perform at the show. Maybe it would be fitting to perform Walls because of the whole reference to ballroom dancing. He shot an email off to let the show know which song he would be performing.

Sometimes he imagined that he can hear his mother in the voices of the birds in the early morning. She would know exactly what to say. She always knew. Before she died she had pulled Louis aside and said that she was sorry for not telling him, but she had met with Harry to hear some of the songs that were meant for his first album, then she looked into her sons eyes and she smiled softly. Louis had known that they had always been extremely close but had no idea that they kept in touch after the break up...he wondered how Harry was doing without her.

The only other person Louis ever told about these things was Liam. He was there at the start in 2010 and he stuck by Louis ever since. No one ever really seemed to be able to comprehend how close they actually were to each other, especially in the last couple years. Liam was the only other member Louis kept in touch with. Every day the first text he received was:

From Liam: 'How bad is it today?'

Today his answer was 5/10.

Liam always tried new ways to get Louis to smile or to laugh. He just wanted to brighten up his best friend who was once so vibrant and full of love. He had promised Louis that he would FaceTime him for the entire show if he needed to, just in case he needed a hand to hold(even if it was electronic).

As Louis tossed his cigarette to the ground he felt a sore and aching feeling deep in his chest. But it wasn't like the feeling you get when your heart is full of love. In fact, it was quite the opposite.
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A/N please keep in mind that there are certain things that i am changing just for the sake of this story for example:
- ik it is highly unlikely that jay and harry talked as it is mentioned in the chapter
- i am also not even sure if the categories i used for the awards are real categories but let's just say that they are 😂
- also for later in the story— the tattoo that harry has that says "never gonna dance again", in this story he will have gotten it just after the breakup. this will be detailed further into the story but just warning you.

Question: Do you like it so far? this is my first story so i'm really nervous...