Forget me- Not [ Oh Sehun FF ]

유채꽃- Craspedia

🍀🌸🍀

In the dead of the night Sehun is dreading another sorry day for himself. His eyes are watching the moon outside his bedroom window while he lies in bed with the covers thrown off because he's sweating.

It's consuming him again. He's been thinking about it all day:

The idea that he's in everyone's way, The idea that he's a waste of space. How can someone so irrelevant leave such painful scar?

It's haunting. He passes people day after day who don't really hate him, but act that way to impress their friends, or because they believe what others say about him. Yes, he has a hard time learning and needs to see special teachers. Yes, he threw up all over shoes in the eighth grade while giving a speech. Yes, he fell flat on his face during the basketball unit in PE in tenth grade. What a loser.

Yes, he disappeared from his High School for two months after begging his parents that he simply couldn't take it anymore- literally. Yes, he hasn't been able to get a job because after everything he's been through he isn't able to handle social pressures well......What a failure.

He might as well be a waste of space. It sure seems that way.

His own mind is a killer, pulling him under and drowning him with negative things that he conjures up himself. He feels himself choking up, hot tears surfacing and spilling over onto his cheeks.

Clouds sweep over the moon and darkness surrounds him. Sick shadows swoop down like demons. They clasp his ankles and wrists and whisper things in his ears.

Waste of space. Weak. Stupid. Failure. Useless. Mental. Crazy..... Please shut up

Do it. Do it. Do it.

They want you to. They're waiting for you to do it. Nobody will care. Nobody will miss you.

Aoyue.

Aoyue would care. She said she'd care. Sehun sits up, groping along the surface of his nightstand blindly until he feels the rough sandpaper feeling of the napkin and grabs it and then his phone. As the clouds pass and the moon shines once again through his window to provide him light he begins to dial the scrawled out number frantically.

"Call when you need a friend," she had said softly with that left-dimpled smile of hers as she slipped the napkin into his hand.

He holds the phone to his ear, listening to it ring. He glances at his alarm clock. It's a little past one in the morning. Would she even be awake? Would she ignore the call?

His questions are answered when suddenly the phone stops ringing, there's rustling on the other end, and finally he hears her tired, worried voice answer, "Hello?"

"Ao.....Aoyue, it's me, Sehun," he says with shallow breaths, his cheeks still wet with tears.

"Don't do it, Sehun," she whispers knowingly, her voice tight. Sehun
sinks back against his pillows in relief, his chest still heaving.

"I care....y..you."

🌸

After that late night phone call, Aoyue invites him out to the Tea House, again. It's not really an offer, more of an order. Sehun gives in and meets her there. He orders the same black Tea and she orders a cinnamon tea. She doesn't make him talk, doesn't ask him any questions, and doesn't even mention anything from the previous night. She just talks.