aw god damnit i have to study

-1

 in my life, there is a ton of things i want to forget. like my entire early childhood. i can't recall a single happy memory from back then. all of them are either depressing, or exhausting to think about, even though nothing bad has really hapenned to me. back then, i didn't really understand many things. as a result, i felt absolutely empty. i couldn't name any of the emotions i felt. maybe because there weren't any, maybe because i lacked the required knowledge. 

 empty, dark, abandoned houses, people who don't notice that i exist, that's how i see my childhood. i don't know if that's what it really was, but i remember it that way.

 please get out of my head. i'm unable to ignore you. please stay where you should: in the past. 

 you are trying to run from the inevitable. just stop. embrace the reality.

 you are right. what's the point of living right here, right now, if i can stay in the past, feeling mad and frustrated about something i'll never be able to change? you wish. not only am i going to ignore you, i'll make good use of you.