𝗠𝘆 𝗚𝗶𝗿𝗹 - 𝚃𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚢𝙸𝚗𝚗𝚒𝚝 𝚡 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛

☽𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚎☾

☝︎︎

ʜᴏᴡ ɪ ɪᴍᴀɢɪɴᴇ ʏ/ɴ's ʜᴀɴᴅs ♡

I stare at my pale slender hands, cold blue veins running across them like river landscapes, the veins reach from the bottom of my palm to the tips of my fingers. My fingertips hold the beds of my nails, my nails that have scratched and scraped at many different things. I feel the sensations of the world in my fingernails rather than my fingertips. "Fucking weird" I breathe out to myself, I lay on my bed, bored and alone.

My mum and stepdad have gone away for the half term, so I'm alone in this house. Like usual. I open my window to get some fresh air, the window that faces Tommies. I haven't spoken to him since his view count goal was reached. I think about him a lot, his family as well and his life, sometimes I get so jealous of what he has I scream, I scream out 'why him? Why not me? Do I not deserve that happiness?!'

Obviously, I believe Tommy deserves it and wouldn't wish anything else for him but what about y/n? Why does she get- a blackbird is by the broken pot plant. "Hopefully it's not hurt," I say to myself, heading down those creaky old stairs, I open the door. Blood. Blood on the paved path, the broken pot plant has hurt the blackbird. I grab a tea towel from the kitchen and gently pick it up. Blood. Blood on the tea towel, I bring the bird inside.

Blood. Blood on the kitchen counter, the dull grey countertop sits the blackbird and my shaking hands. I carefully bandaged the bird up, thankfully it didn't have any broken clay pieces lodged inside of it. Blood. Blood on my hands, I turn to the sink, it's musty and full of dirty dishes. "I'll do them tomorrow," my shakey breath says, again, to myself.

I gently scrub at the blood. The blood under my fingernails, I stare down as it washes away down the drain. Like I never helped the bird, like it never happened.

After cleaning up the blackbird and all the blood, I give it some water and let it relax in a small cardboard box in the kitchen. I wouldn't want to hurt it, not with my shakey hands. The ones with blue veins that travel around it like a ribbon.

After googling about blackbirds, I figured out the bird can stay here for the half term with me but I'll need to get it some birdseed and other bird-related things. Also, I named the blackbird, Mallory. Mallory felt like a fitting name, she reminds me of a mysterious woman at a ball, the only one brave enough to go in a pitch-black dress, tailored to her curves and a high leg slit to drop jaws. She would have confidence, something I wish I had.

I can imagine myself in a black dress tailored to my curves but my flaws could never fit in the dress.

Wait, I need birdseed, not shit self-esteem.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

↳ 505 words

𑁍┊ 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭, 𝐯𝐨𝐭𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲ˎˊ˗

Links:

Sexual Abuse Awareness Month: https://www.nsvrc.org/saam

Sexual Abuse Help line: https://www.rainn.org

Suicide Help line: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Self Harm Awareness and Signs: https://www.nami.org/About-Mental-Illness/Common-with-Mental-Illness/Self-harm

Self Harm Awareness Day: https://centerfordiscovery.com/blog/self-injury-awareness-day/