If you were here

Chapter 16

The days went on, and Meredith was struggling with PTSD. She was having nightmares every single night, and she was scared.

Dereks heart broke every time Meredith had nightmares. She'd wake up screaming, and it would take him forever to get her back to sleep.

She wasn't pushing him away though. Usually when she got scared or anxious, she stopped talking to him and turned herself away from him. But no. She seemed to be even more clingy now.

She wanted to be near him at all times. And he was completely okay with that. She'd cuddle up to him at night, and stay close during the day.

"Ready for your appointment today?" Derek asked softly in the morning as they sat on the couch with the kids, who were content and quiet watching tv.

"Sure." Meredith replied as she snuggled up close to him, holding Ellis tightly on her lap. "Do you want want me to be there?" Derek asked. "I'm sure I can somehow sit in."

"No. I think this would be better if I...did it on my own." Meredith replied. "Okay. I'll be right outside if you need me though." He said. "I just want to cuddle with the kids and you for a little longer." She sighed. "That we can do." He whispered as he kissed her head and watched Bailey and Zola play.

•••

A little while later, the family of 5 left the house and drove to the hospital. Derek and Meredith dropped the kids off at daycare and walked to the therapists office. "You sure you'll be okay?" Derek asked softly as they waited outside the room.

"I'll be fine. If I need you I'll page you." Meredith replied as she wrapped her arms around his waist. Derek hugged her back tightly and held her close. "I love you." He whispered. "I love you too."

Meredith entered the room and looked at the man. "Meredith. Welcome, have a seat." Dr Carr said with a smile. He was an older man, with a soothing smile.

Meredith smiled and took a seat. "So, to start off if you're uncomfortable with me as your therapist, just say the word." He said. "Because I was attacked by a man?" Meredith guessed. "Yes."

"I'm fine."

"Alright. Well, let's get to know each other. I have your file, and...it's intriguing." Dr Carr said. "Quite the page turner, huh?" She asked with a smile. "Meredith, you've been through some severe trauma over the years." He said with a cautious frown.

"I know. My mother died, I drowned, my sister died, two of my closest friends died, husband was hit by a semi, I was attacked. I'm okay." Meredith said.

"You're not okay. Meredith, you were attacked in your own hospital, and from what I see you had what seems to be a post traumatic stress episode." Dr Carr explained.

"It was just a panic attack. I don't have ptsd." Meredith argued. "You do. Dr Bailey, who I gather is one of your mentors and a close friend of yours, referred you to me and told me some stuff. Told me you admitted to having ptsd."

"I don't. I-I was just tired." Meredith replied. "So if you walk in to that trauma bay that were attacked in, you'd be just fine? If a male other than your husband  accidentally bumped into you or something, you'd be completely fine?" Dr Carr challenged.

"I...no." Meredith admitted. "Exacrly. That is a clear sign of ptsd. And whether you want to admit it or not, Meredith, you have PTSD. And that's completely okay after what you went through. I mean, a patient, in your own hospital, broke your jaw, tore your acl, broke your collarbone." Dr Carr read.

"I know." She hissed.

"Alright. So let's just leave it at that for now. Tell me a little bit about yourself?" He asked calmly.

Meredith took a deep breath. "I'm married, and I have 3 beautiful kids." She said.

"Dr Shepherd, right?" Dr Carr asked. Meredith nodded. "What about your kids?"

"Zola is my oldest. She's amazing, and so smart. Derek and I adopted her about 4 years ago. And Bailey, he's my son. He loves making us laugh, and he's a momma's boy all the way. And there's my youngest, Ellis. I had her last year, and she's adorable. I love them all more than anything." Meredith explained.

As the day went on, Meredith and Dr Carr got to know each other and finally it was the end. Meredith met up with Derek outside the room. "How did it go?" He asked. Meredith said nothing but hugged him tightly, just as she had hours ago. "Oh Mer." He sighed. "Once we get home I'll run you a hot bath and once the kids are asleep I'll join you." He said softly.

•••

They all arrived home and the kids were put to bed right after dinner. As promised, Derek joined Meredith in the bath and sighed in relief. "You okay?" He asked as he stepped into the tub. Meredith sighed as she leaned back into his chest. "I don't know." She admitted.

"I'm proud of you." He whispered. Meredith just sighed and wrapped his arms around her waist, holding them tightly to her stomach. "Just relax. I love you." He said softly. "I love you too."

Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed this chapter and if you have any ideas for future chapters feel free to drop them! Hope your all doing well!