If you were here

Chapter 17

Therapy. It was a place rhat Meredith didn't like. She did not like talking about her trauma. Meredith doesn't talk about her life, she just keeps pushing forward.

Derek dropped her off one day and she entered Dr Carrs room. "Meredith. Nice to see you again." He said with a smile.

"Yeah." She mumbled, sitting down on the couch across from his desk. "So, how have you been feeling lately?" He asked.

"Alright I guess."

"And are the nightmares subsiding at all?" He asked softly. "No." She admitted. "Can you describe your nightmares for me?" Dr Carr questioned.

"It's...he wraps his arms around me...and squeezes...and I can't breath, like I'm suffocating. Then he..." She hesitated.

"He what?" He asked gently.

"He slices my wrists with a scalpel, just like what-"

"Meredith, like what?" Dr Carr asked. "Like my mother did." Meredith said, losing eye contact. Dr Carr sat up straighter. "Meredith?" He asked.

"When I have 5 my mother took a scalpel to her wrist and tried to kill her self. I told Wyatt a long time ago." Meredith replied. "And what did she say about that?"

"She said that my mom didn't really try to kill herself, but she just wanted Richard to come back to her." She explained.

"And why do you think this happens in your dreams?"

"I don't know. Isn't that why your here?" Mereditj asked snarkily. "I think this recent trauma from your attack has brought up some childhood trauma. So, tell me about your childhood." Dr Care requested.

"Really?" Meredith asked in exasperation. Dr Care gave her a stern looked and she sighed. "My mom was a surgeon, Ellis Grey, as I'm sure you know. She didn't give a crap about me, and never cared about me. She preferred surgery over me. My dad was great until he left when I was 4." She explained.

"Why did your dad leave?" He asked gently. "He got himself a new family. I don't care anymore." She replied. "Okay. So your mom, how did you find out about what happened?"

"She did it in front of me. Told me to be extraordinary and said she failed and not to be like her. Told me to wait until she was 'sleeping' to call for help. And then she just...cut. And I watched as she sat there in a pool of her own blood until her eyes closed." Meredith said quietly.

"You watched her?"

Meredith nodded. "I'm so sorry dear. That must've been terrifying." Dr Carr said genuinely.

"And it's in your dreams?" He asked. "Yeah." She replied.

"Okay. That's all we have time for today, but we're not done. These nightmares, they aren't just from the attack. they're unresolved childhood trauma, okay? Is anyone here to drive you home?" He asked.

"Dereks here." She replied. "Okay. I don't want you going home alone today. Go find him, alright?" He asked gently. "Thanks."

Meredith left the room and went to find Derek, who was chatting to a nurse. "Hey!" He exclaimed with a big smile as she wrapped her arms around his waist from behind, holding him close and pressing her cheek into his back.

"You okay?" He asked.

"No." She admitted. Derek turned around in her hold and hugged her tightly. "Oh Mer. Are you sure this is helping you?" He asked. "No. But I can't go back to work until I'm cleared so I have to." Meredith replied with a big sigh.

"Let's get you home, huh? I asked Alex to watch the kids. We need some time to ourselves." He said softly. Meredith nodded and pulled away slightly, grabbing his hand and walked away.

•••

Derek drove her home and they both got into the house. She changed into her pajamas while Derek cooked some dinner and made her way back downstairs.

"I made your favorite. Box Mac and cheese." He said with a smile that made her heart melt. "Thanks." She said, her cheeks turning pink.

"What did you talk about today?" He asked gently as they ate together on the couch. Meredith leaned into Derek, resting her head on his shoulder. "My mom and dad. And the nightmares." She replied.

"Oh, I'm so sorry Mer. That must've been really hard." He said as he caressed her back gently.

"I had to talk about...what she did." She whispered.

"Oh god." Derek said in shock. "And what my father did." She added. Derek frowned, knowing how hard it was for her to talk about her childhood. "Come here." He said softly, setting his bowl down and pulling her closer into his lap.

"Let it out, Mer. I'm here. You're safe." Derek whispered into her ear, feeling her body shake, holding her sobs in. Meredith finally gave it to the tears, letting herself cry into his chest. "It was horrible." She cried. "I know it was, honey. Just let it out. It's not good to hold in your feelings."

Meredith sobbed and sobbed until she fell asleep. Derek lifted her into his arms and quietly carried her up to their bedroom. "I love you." He whispered, climbing in beside her, pressing a kiss to her neck.

Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed this chapter and if you have any ideas feel free to drop them! I really need them. Hope your all doing well.