Eiji's Letters

As I Grow

Ash,

In Japan, we have customs when it comes to age. We respect people who are older than us by using honourifics like "san". I never really notice that I am older than you, but for boys who are younger than us, we use the honorific "kun". Can you imagine me calling you Ash-kun, and you calling me Eiji-san. You have to do that Japan, so you should start practicing, Ash-kun. Just joking!

I am 24 years old in a few months, so now you are 22 years old, you could go to university when you get here, maybe the same one as me, or you could find a job. Which would you prefer? In two weeks, I will graduate from university, but I haven't decided what I want to do after that. Ibe said I should take a break for some months to figure out what I want to do, so I am thinking you should come here soon, so that we can spend more time together, and you can come to my graduation. I am even making a small speech, though I am struggling a bit and I'm very nervous! I think you could help me because you are a very intelligent man and so good with words, to me it seems like you always know what to say and how to act, I envy you for that. I remember you said something similar to me once.

I think about you a lot, Ash. Sometimes when I am outside and I see foreigners with pretty yellow hair, I have to stare a bit because I think they could be you, lost in Japan. But nobody is handsome like you, everything about you is beautiful, you are like a model. You could be a model here, foreign people in magazines are popular at the moment. Would you like that? I think about how you must have changed during these years we have been away from each other, your hair must be longer and you might be taller, I have a feeling you look much more mature. Although it's been some years, I still get mistaken for a teenager sometimes! I have gotten only a little bit taller, and I let my hair grow, it is a few inches down my back now, only a bit longer than yours was when we met.

When I see you again, I will let you kiss me the same way you did before, and then I will feed you lots and lots of natto! Another joke, of course.

I have been taking more photos recently because I have bought a new, fancy camera. I have lots of photos of places in Japan I want to take you to, and I have made a list of Japanese foods I want you to try. Also I still have the photos I took in New York, they are all in a special album at my bedside. Whenever I look at some of those pictures, I feel very nostalgic and I think of you with tears in my eyes, waiting for your presence and your voice. But as angry as I am with you, for taking so long to come to me, I also feel very happy to think about you, because when I remember your laughs and smiles, my heart is peaceful and all I want is to make you smile that way again. I will make you smile everyday and it will be me who keeps you safe, so you can relax. And I won't ever let you be upset again, I want to make you feel okay, make you feel so happy so that the rest of your life is good.
Thinking of you, always

-Eiji