One Shots ~Criminal Minds Edition [Requests Open]

Trash talk (Dr Spencer Reid) [English]

"I am scared! And you know it. You know that I am afraid and absolutely freaked out!" I slowly breathe out. It is hard for me to say these things out loud. But I need to! Otherwise, the weight will crush me and my soul. "And I know- I freaking know I shouldn't be but what if he- What if someone else-" I stop. My thoughts are running through my mind like crazy! It is exhausting. "There's no guarantee! There is no guarantee..." My fingers barely touched the round charm on my necklace when I raise my hand to play with it. I want to feel the cool metal under her fingertips but I can't sense it. The coolness was supposed to ground me. I don't let go of the necklace even tough it haven't fulfilled its purpose. "I wish you'd still be here! I would like to introduce him to you. You would love him, Granny!" I shed a tear and smile. "He is kind! And- and sweet and supportive and lovely and-" More tears run down my redden cheeks. "And so understanding!" A slight cough leaves my throat. "Spencer is incredibly smart! But you already know this of course. I mean I told you about him so many times before.", I say sobbing. With a rough movement of the back of my hand I wipe the tears of my cheeks. "I am so in love with him. I absolutely love how intelligent he is! Even though sometimes I feel intimidated by his huge knowledge! Everytime he states a fact I get the feeling of being nothing more than a dumb kid instead of a 21 year-old who studies law at The George Washington University. It's stupid I know! But I can't help it." A short, hysterical laugh bursts out of me. I am going crazy inside and out and I don't even care about that. In this exact moment I only care about getting everything of my chest. "Probably Spencer will notice soon how childish, stupid and useless I am... I can imagine pretty exact how you would look at me right now! You would shake your head in disbelief and say: "If he doesn't love you the way you are he will never be worth any of your tears!"" I smile under my fresh tears. Again I wipe them off my face. My grandma never liked when I cried when I told her about people. She always said that I can let it all out after I got everything of my chest! She could understand the story better and I can try to have a neutral look at the story. After she left I still try to follow her advice. "You would add to that: "Don't you dare call yourself stupid! He may have an IQ of 187 but a number is not everything. You are one of the smartest people I know, Lola!" I sniff. My sad smile becomes a bit wider. "In that case I introduce you to the smartest person I know, Granny! Dr Spencer Reid. FBI-agent; bookworm; owner of three PhDs... God! I really hope that Spencer won't ever recognize that I am not good en-" "Don't even think about ever finishing that sentence! Never ever in your entire life finish this lie." Out of the sudden Spencer kneels infront of me. When did he come home? "Lola Emily Cinder-" I immediately interrupt him. "Even my name is stupid and boring!", I whine desperately. I stand up and let myself fall backwards on the bed behind me. Spencer sits down right next to me and pulls me into a sitting position. His arms are wrapped around me. "No, it is not! Nothing about you is boring. You are wonderful just the way you are. I am pretty sure your grandmother would agree with me." Spencer gives my hand a tiny squeeze when he notices the tears that are running down my face again. Then he turns his torso into my direction, cups my face with his hands and looks deep into my eyes. As usual I get lost into his hazel eyes. "You are wonderful.", Spencer repeats before he continues. "You have an incredible personality. I am jealous of your emotional intelligence. I'd rather have that amount of emotional intelligence you've got than being a genius." His giggle after the word genius ends up in a cough. "I want to be honest with you I've never thought that I would fall hopelessly in love with a girl who isn't like me! I have been searching for somebody similar because I felt my whole life like an outsider due to my intellect, my interests, my habits and my personality. I wanted to find someone who makes me feel included because of every similarity we share. Since I have met you, I have everything I need in my life. You make one odd boy feel like an ordinary man that deserves to be loved! God, I wish you would see yourself like I do." Both of his thumbs swipe over my wet cheeks. "I can spend hours talking with you or even talking about you without getting bored for a single seconde. Don't you ever think that you are boring! You never cease to amaze me, Lola." I look at Spencer in disbelief. The glance in my eyes keeps him going. "There are about a hundred things I love about you! For example, I love the way your presence makes me so nervous that I am not able to give you the precise number of character traits and habits I like- no I LOVE about you!" My boyfriend's breath goes heavy and fast. Spencer has talked much and fast. He had no time to breathe between the words. I am speechless. I stare at without being able to say anything. "I love you, Lola and I only have one wish." "And what is that wish?", I ask. "I don't want you to trash talk about yourself! If you are feeling bad just call and I'll be there for you. But please don't put yourself down.", Spencer demands. "Okay.", I whisper and wrap my hands around him. "I love you, Spence! More than you'll ever know." He tightens the hug and gives me a kiss on the forehead.

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This can as well be found on my Tumblr^^