One Shots ~Criminal Minds Edition [Requests Open]

Despair (Dr Spencer Reid) [English]

The English version of Despair

My fingerstips barely touched the display when I turned off the sound of my phone. I let the display go black and threw it into the drawer of my nightstand. Then I crawled back into my bed. One of my pillows was pressed against my body. Now the tears which I had been holding back were streaming down my face. Again, he was with her. Again, he protected her. Again, he was alone with her and the whole world knew how it ended the last time. Question upon question floated my head and my thoughts were drowning me! What if something happens between them again? What if he likes it? What if she bewitched him and he would leave me for her? What if- I had to stop! I should stop overthinking even though it was hard for me to do so. It was only a waste of my time and my energy! Instead of overthinking I sat up straight, took his jacket which I wore several seconds ago and threw it across the room. The anger left me the same seconde the jacket left my hand. New tears wetted my heated cheeks. I layed down and hunched up the second time. My lids weighed more and more while scenes of Spencer and Lila Archer played before my mind's eye like a flip book. After a while all my tears and my whole energy were gone, and I drifted into sleep.

I opened my eyes. The next moment I sat up straight on my bed. Dozily I reached for my phone which should be on my nightstand. But I couldn't find it there! Until now I believed that the ringing of my phone woke me up. After a few secondes I was right awake and found my phone in the drawer. It came into my mind again that I had put it there. Far from eye far from heart! Barely lighted up the tons of texts popped up on my display. Each message was sent by Spencer! I though the case in L.A. with Lila Archer was only a dream. I was obviously wrong, and the memory brought tears to my eyes and I wept easily. I unlocked my phone. Spence's last message was prominent for me.

Please open the door!

The text arrived two minutes ago. I was completely taken back when I answered.

Why?

Because I am at the door, and it is pretty dark here.

You are here! I can't believe it! Don't you have to work your case?

The green bar for his picture and contact name showed me that he was typing. But I currently had the patience to wait for him finishing. I dropped my phone, jumped up and ran down the staircase. The moment I reached the door I opened it. My despair was the emotion I was driven by. Without thinking I threw myself at Spencer. Even though I was mad at him for not telling me about Lila! The media told me what the case was about. But I pushed my rage for a seconde aside. For now, I just needed my boyfriend's hug. During the last weeks I only saw him once! Of course, Spencer and I had a call each evening to make sure our significant other was doing okay. It let us go to sleep easier. Spencer hugged me tighter. That was what I needed! The security he gave me. "How could you think that I had a thing for Lila?", he mumbled into my hair. How could I think that? The headlines about Spencer as a mysterious man and Lila were unbelievable! Those headlines popped up everywhere for several months. Even the photo which Lila's stalker took kept popping up. For weeks you saw anywhere you looked Lila and Spencer in the pool kissing. To be honest the thought Spencer had had a crush on Lila sometimes went through my mind. "How can you consider something this absurd?", Spencer repeated silent. "I've never said that!", I whisper against his cardigan. It was the truth! I have never said that Spencer had a thing for Lila. But I was aware of my jealousy. I never wanted to admit how insecure the actress made me feel. "You have thought of it, haven't you?" I harrumphed. "Stupid genius!", I growled. Profiler + Genius = deadly and annoying mix. "The words 'stupid' and 'genius' seclude themselves. Stupid is a synonym for clueless or even stupid. Geniuses are known for their intelligence and their knowledge! To call a genius stupid is an oxymoron. I burst out laughing. Then I pushed him away from me and punched the front of his shoulder. "I am incredibly mad at you! And I was scared, and I panicked!", I sputtered.

„You, idiot, got the nerve to explain the discrepancy to me even though I want to shoot you down in flames. Brave! Really brave, Dr Reid! Besides my anger and I think that this description suits very well and an oxymoron as a stylistic device is legit to use." A smirk graced his lips. Spencer's smile was too cute! My anger was all gone. I was way too happy about him being here. "It seems like I got the nerves to tell you!", he answered. I pushed myself back into his arms. "Why are you here?", I wanted to know. My boyfriend placed his chin onto my head. "Every case in the world is meaningless for me when it comes to you. I wasn't able to concentrate. I couldn't sleep well, and I didn't eat. The worst was that I wasn't objective anymore! Lila was offended because I didn't talk with her." A rough chuckle left his mouth. "Hotch told me that I should make things clear between uns. He shares my opinion about this being more important than the case!", Spencer added. "I really have to thank Hotch.", I said. A kiss was placed on my head. "What would I do without you!" Saying this Spencer carefully pushed me into the house without taking his arms of me.