My Garden of Hopeful Thoughts

Always Be My Yellow

I dream of us
Of you
And wish that somehow we could be happy again

Rarely, do I ever remember my dreams
But I always remember the ones about you
The ones where we're in the woods slow dancing

Or kissing underneath the stars

I can still feel myself in your arms
And your lips on mine
And I know you probably don't feel the same

That you've moved on and dont even spare me a thought
And for most of the time, I have too
But its the wandering thoughts that leave me in tears

Because I was right, I can feel things now
And everything about you seems to make me breakdown

And I can say I hate you and that I'll never love you
But those are both lies

You are my sunflower, my yellow
You showed me what real love is
That it's not supposed to be painful and depressing
That it can be euphoric and beautiful- without it being a dream

And for that, I will be forever thankful
And I can't hate you no matter how hard I try
I'll always love you

Even if you dont love me back or hate me
Even if you push me into the back of your mind and never think of me 

You didn't save me when you left
You just kept me longing for you and scared to know if I could feel again

I'm sorry for not knowing what to do
I'm sorry for not understanding as well as I could

I still want you
And wish that I could be yours again
But I know that you hate me and will ignore everything I say

I guess I'm bitter
Watching you give someone a thousand chances, when I only get one

And I guess I'm hopeless
Wanting you and your love even though you wont give me either

But you'll always be my sunflower
My yellow
You taught me what real love feels like
And how to love

I'll always long for you and how you made me feel

But most of all I'm sorry that I can't get you out of my head
And that I sound like a broken record going on and on and on about something that'll never happen

I'm sorry that I couldn't be your yellow too