Out of control — I was out of control. I couldn't put enough distance between us. A wary look flashed and stuck on his face.
It was an early morning, one of singing birds and the bright morning sun. We have been training ever since the war. I wanted to learn how to truly defend myself. I didn't want to have to rely on anyone to save me. I wanted to be able to save myself and others.
I needed this. I couldn't stand to live without knowing how to fight. I needed to fight, to survive; to live.
My mind was no clear, there was absolutely no though behind what I was about to do. I felt this overwhelming sense of anger. I cocked back my arm and punch the handsome man in front of me directly in the side of his jaw. In that moment there was more pain, but this kind of physical. It was spread across the knuckles of my hand.
"Damnit!" I bent, bringing my hand to my chest willing the pain to magically go away. I didn't think that it would hurt that much. Even worse was that he didn't even seem to flinch. Azriel just stood there perfectly still with a look in his eye, it almost seemed as if he was in awe.
"Did that make you feel better?" His voice was flat, "Change anything for you?"
I straightened glaring at him directly in his eyes, "No! I'd like to do it again."
"You ant to fight?" Turning to the mat in the middle of the room on the floor. I think he was challenging me but then again it would take him 3 seconds to flip me onto my ass. "Then fight me."
He was so calm I was ready to explode. Was I the only one who felt this way? Was I the only one that was dying inside?
He didn't have to ask me twice. I lunged towards him first already cocked back ready for the pain it was about to feel.
Azriel blocked my first punch, but my anger that I was feeling made me quicker and I followed up with a hard blow to the side of his face. I slipped past all
his blocks and hit him head-on with the middle of his chest with my aching fist. I think, no I must have broken something.
I was exhausted, which said a lot because we had only just started and Azriel wasn't fazed by anything I seemed to be able to do.
We were closer together now, I'm sure that he could feel my heavy bread on his chest. Anger once again found a surge of energy and propelled me forwards. Burning with rage, I fought harder than I had in any other practices.
Azriel didn't go all out on me. Which only pissed me off more. I attacked him harder, fighting on offense, moving him farther and farther back on the mat.
His eyes showed a dangerous shift when he caught my fist before it could hit him square in the nose. It was bad form and a lazy move on my part that I'm sure I would pay for.
"That's enough" Azriel pushed me back but not hard enough for me to fall or even stumble. He gently in the kindest was pushed me back.
But for me, it wasn't enough. It would never be enough. I just fought so hard and gave it my all and I couldn't even have bruised Azriel. How am I supposedly do anything for myself when I can't even hold my own with someone who is not even trying to hurt me.
I started moving closer to him ready to strike again, when Azriel moved so he caught me halfway to him, we stubbled and ended up being both of us down on the mat. One I was down on the ground be rocked on his heels.
"I know you are angry," He wasn't even out a breath, meanwhile I lay in front of him and I am gasping for air, "I know your hurt and confused. I know that you have been through a lot. I know...trust me I do."
