It was the slamming of a door that woke Nesta, Azriel must have gotten home from his latest assignment. Her eyes opened to see the fall and rise of Cassian's chest with the book sprawled across it. She tilted her head up to see the man that was tangled up in her face, and he slept silently with his mouth slightly parted, she smiled to herself.
A part of Nesta wanted to stay with Cassian and pretend that time did not exist, that there were not five million problems in the world that needed to be solved, and that they were the only ones that could solve them.
But Nesta knew that she could not hold onto this forever, carefully, she moved out of his hold, making sure not to disturb him.
Cassian shifted his weight to where she was just laying, moving but not waking. Until he shifted again and seemed to notice that she was no longer touching him.
Cass's hand sprang to grab her arm and pulled Nesta back on top of him without opening his eyes. Nesta buried her face into the crook of Cassian's neck and giggled, actually giggled.
"Let me live in this moment for a bit longer," he whispered. Cassian had not been with a woman for ages. Ever since he saw the tragedy of the wars centuries ago; him being one of the most famous people to fight and survive in it. He was a stupid young Illyrian who always took things for granted and was arrogant to everyone he passed on the streets. Cassian learned what it was like to lose brother after brother in the war and swore never to be like he was before; never to belittle and show off again.
Breathing in his skin, Nesta, smelled a mixture of nature and sandalwood which created the most perfect scent to her. Turning to his side, the open book that was on his chest fell between them. His arm tightened his grip he previously had on Nesta.
His eyes were still closed. It was possible that if he opened them, a reality check would pour over them. Cassian knew that all eyes were on them, him and Nesta. She was the experiment everyone wanted an update on. She was the one thing that he wanted to keep for himself but could not.
Once Cassian opened his eyes, he would have to stop what was happening, he could not let it. Could he? Did he have to sacrifice the women beside him? Could he finally have everything he ever wanted? Nothing ever happened between them but the occasional tension during training or when the House would get on her nerves instead of him and she would reside to taking comfort with him. Cassian, in his heart, believed that there was something there. He believed that that something could turn into something amazing and breathtaking.
With the dark night providing no light, Cassian did not flinch from the shallow light when he opened his eyes, he found the book between them, folded it up, and stuck it under his pillow.
"Best nap ever," He confessed and moved the hair away from Nesta's face. His hand lingered around her cheeks and he traced his thumb in circles over her bottom lip. "You haven't got a clue how bad I want to kiss you right now." There, he said it. Cassian was not going to lose one more thing for the court, he wanted this. Wanted this one thing for himself. "But I'm trying not to be selfish, for your wellbeing and all." A small grin tugged on his lips.
It was torture for both of them. Nesta could see it on his face, him falling so miserably hard for her. She wanted him to stop to find his footing. She couldn't let Cassian fall for her. She needed to be in the moment, needed to focus on herself.
Nesta looked into Cassian's deep eyes and saw her reflection, and for a split second, Nesta saw herself the way that Cassian saw her. Cass was in awe of her, he saw the beauty underneath all of the hardness and ugliness of my shell. Nesta saw herself the way he saw her, and it was beautiful.
Nesta's lips inched closer to his, and Cassian took in a shark breath. "Nesta..." Just her name on his lips, at this moment, was enough to seed Nesta spiraling. Cassian closed his eyes and slowly shook his head as if it were all too much for him.
