SHAPES UNSPOKEN

-2-

HAPPY READING 🥰

Cindy Washington Britto

I love Sean so much and I didn't out grew him. But something went wrong between us. I don't truly understand my feelings right now. I need time to figure them out and to know what I want. Sean is a good man he provided for us and made things happen for our family. I'm not saying it wasn't good enough. I just desire more for myself and no matter how I try to explain it to him, he doesn't understand. He doesn't want to give me space to develop personally. I need space to figure out my confused state of being and to work out some personal stuff. Sean doesn't understand it as I don't myself. I just need time and space.

I have my dreams and ambitions. I want to be a career woman, to pursue my calling. I've always had my desire to work that is why I went to school and worked my butt off. I don't want to just sit at home all day taking care of my husband and child it's not that I don't love them. It's just not fulfilling enough for me and I needed more. I tried to push it away, I tried not to even think about it but in the end, it is part of me. A part of my identity and worst off is sean doesn't see it. All I want is for him to let me have my own the way he has his. I supported him through his endeavors from the beginning of our relationship and it's all I asked in return instead of him shutting me down.

Sean is a hover, he's always there hanging around and wants to hands me everything on a platter. He thinks if he gives it to me I don't need to look for it nor do I need anything else. That is not how I was raised. My mother and father worked hard to afford to send me to college and I made good use of their efforts. I have my degree then I pursued my master's in communication, English literature and English language. I'm not just going to sit on them and watch my future roll by in front of me. He doesn't see I'm unhappy and he's driving me away with him who cares if I do anything attitude. Why can't he support me this once, the way I did him. I never pressure him for anything, why can't he see this.

Sean obtained his dream job. He deserves it too. I was right there when he earned his career and I saw how hard he worked. Sometimes at the expense of me and Steph. When work was demanding he practically lived at the company building. Many times I had to drag him out of that building so he can come home to us.

I watched by the sidelines as he accomplished all he wanted. A woman on his arm and family at home. His house, cars, and career. He had a chance to do it all, I don't want to be dependant for the rest of my life. Why can I have that for myself a little peace to call my own.

I want to afford nice things for myself and my parents without stretching my hands at my husband every time. I want my own future and I will fight tooth and nail for it. Why must I even choose and fight to accomplish my own when I stood by him and encouraged him all these years.

Often society sees women as being wives and mothers. Jinette says it's the ultimate goal in the end, maybe for her, not me. I want more and I'm damn well going to have it or take it by force. I refuse to be brushed aside when all I want is to work for my own.

I love my son I don't want him to come from a broken home. But I need this. I need to find myself and who I am. All I know is being a mother and wife, didn't give me the type of fulfilment I needed so I'm here in Italy searching for it. If I stayed Sean will be at my every step and I don't want that. I want to find my way and start from the ground up, built my foundation, and establishes a name for myself.

Sean doesn't understand but I need to be my own woman, I have to do this before it's too late and I'm too old to do anything about it. I have to be fast about it I'm not getting any younger.

Is it so wrong to be career-oriented and fight for what I want? To show the world I'm made of more. I want to do more and be more, travel the world, visit places, meet new people, and broaden my horizon.

My mom raised a strong woman I don't want my son growing up thinking that's all I'm worth. I will show him I'm made of more.

I groan as I lay here with my thoughts, I rub my face and was ready to get out of bed.

I'm assistant to the editor in chief, it's been two weeks since I started working and it's very competitive but nothing I can't handle and I'm ready for the challenge.

I showered and dressed professionally in my black pencil skirt, white ruffled front blouse pairing it with black four-inch heels, and my black Chanel handbag. I put my hair in a high bun leaving a few strands loose.

I looked at myself in the body mirror "fabulous Cindy you're going to kill it today" I was ready for my office. I went down to the kitchen made myself a pot of coffee add a pinch of cinnamon and a granola bar. I was ready to start my day, I look at my watch it was now 6:30.

30 minutes to get to work. As I walk to the sitting room to pick my handbag where I placed it when I came down to the kitchen. I look back at my apartment it wasn't much but it was enough. Two bedrooms on the top floor, a kitchen, and a living room on the second floor it was cosy, a two-seater couch, a 32-inch flat-screen television on the corner stand. I bought a plant to add some sort of life to the apartment with me. I walk out the door locking it, putting my keys in my bag, I walk down a few flights of stairs and hail a cab.

I was feeling good, I looked good nothing can spoil my day today. I entered the office building of the kostenlonser editing and magazine establishment. I greeted everyone, informed my boss I was in my office if she needed me. I walked into my office to get started on my day.

As the day progresses I was busy sending emails and copying files to save for my boss when there was a knock on my door. I look up to see a postman with mails in hand.

"Hello, can I help you?" I ask smiling at him. "Yes, I'm looking for a Mrs Britto" I was wondering who was sending me mail here "yes this is she." I answered, "good I have a registered mail for you please sign on the dotted lines." He hands me a signature pad, I signed and hand it back to him. He took out an envelope from his bag around his shoulder giving it to me.

As soon as I read the mailing address I knew what it was, is he serious about this. I quickly tore open the envelope and was greeted with divorce papers.
There goes my good mood.