I'm Sorry (RanbooxReader)

Part 5: Dadza

Once I finish my shower, I get dressed and just throw my hair into a bun. I head downstairs and the scent of pancakes fills my nose. Mom always used to make them...

Stop! You can't think of her right now, I mentally scold myself.

I sit down at the large kitchen island and Niki passes me a pancake. I'm so hungry, but I don't know if I can do this. The whole thing? I look up at Niki. She gives me a small smile. Maybe I can do this.. just maybe.

I cut the pancake and take a hesitant bite. It tasted good, and reminds me of Mom's cooking. Oh Lord, Y/N. Stop thinking about her!

I force myself to eat half of the pancake, but I can't eat more. If I try, I'd throw up. My stomach couldn't take that much food after being empty for so long.

I look at Niki, pleading with my eyes. She sighs and nods. I know everyone is looking at us weirdly. It makes my heart rate increase a bit, but I have to keep myself under control.

I throw my paper plate away with half of the pancake still on the plate. I look up to catch Ranboo's eyes. I can see confusion flickering in them. He can't know though.

Clay speaks up. "We were thinking about just chilling here today, and going to Universal tomorrow."

Everyone seems happy with that idea. I went there once with my fam- Stop, Y/N. Its not the same. I have to let them go. Its been awhile. They aren't here anymore. And dad... he isn't the same. So fucking stop.

I smile at Clay along with the others and nod my head. Just fit in, I tell myself. Just fit in. No more attention needs to be drawn to me.

After everyone finishes breakfast, Ranboo comes up to me.

"Would you want to join my stream? We don't have to be in the same room, you can just join on your laptop if you want to."

"Okay, sounds fun." I give him a little smile. Oh, Lord. I hope I have enough energy for this. I've been hiding the pain in my voice for awhile now. I don't know how much longer I can go without it breaking.

A hand waves in front of my eyes. "Earth to Y/N. You zoned out."

"Huh? Oh, sorry. Just didn't get a great amount of sleep last night. Its all good though." I see Wilbur look at me through my prehepiral vision.

But I most certainly will not acknowledge his gaze. He already knows too much.

Ranboo just smiles and nods. "I'm gonna stream in about an hour. I'm also doing facecam. So you can come in, and shock the people if you want. But you don't need to."

I force out a small laugh. "Okay, Ranboo."

He heads upstairs to prepare everything while I make my way to the backyard.

I head to the hammock near the back. I sit down in it and slightly sway. Its comfortable outside. Not too hot, but not too cold. I could stay in this moment forever. Ive gotten closer to a lot of the DreamSMP members. And my dad hasn't come by yet, which kind of scares me. But then again, he doesn't know where I am. So that's kind of comforting.

I hear footsteps and look over. Phil is walking over to me, but why?

"Hey," I say as he gets closer to me.

"Hi, Y/N. Why are you out here?"

"Its nice. I always loved the outdoors. My family would always spend time outside." Damn. I let that slip out.

"That's nice. You don't do it anymore?"

I forgot ge doesn't know about what happened. "No. It's just me and my dad now. My sister and mom passed away in a car accident."

"Oh, I'm so sorry. If you ever need anyone, I'll be here for you."

"Thanks." My eyes don't even water which is new. For some reason, I feel safe around Phil. Maybe that Dadza joke isn't much of a joke after all. "Do you mind sitting out here with me for a little bit?"

"Sure. I'm just going to go get a drink. You want anything?"

"Can I have a water?"

"Of course. I'll be right back with it."

"Thank you!"

My mind wanders back to Ranboo, and I have no idea why. I have so many other things to think about, and all that's on my mind is him. His fluffy gold hair and grey eyes. Even though they're grey, they still sparkle with curiosity. It's cute.

Did I just say cute? Don't fall, Y/N. Don't fall. Oh no, I hope I don't fa- This is not the time to think of a tik tok sound.

A water bottle is handed to me. I smile up at Phil and thank him.

"So, whats the deal with you and Ranboo?"

I choke on the water I was drinking. Once I'm done with my coughing fit, I sputter out, "What?"

"He seems to like you.. and I always see you stealing glances at him."

Welp. "Oh, I didn't think anyone noticed that." I awkwardly laugh.

"Do you like him?"

"I mean.. yeah, I think I have feelings for him."

Phil smiles. "I can see it."

We laugh a little. Then, Phil starts droning on about his hard-core world that he's attempting. Apparently, he's very good.

I check the time and jump up.

"Are you alright?" Phil asks me.

"Yeah. I just noticed that I have to stream with Ranboo in 5 minutes.

I run up to me and Niki's room and dig for my laptop. I load it up and hop onto Discord and Minecraft. I check to see if Ranboo's streaming yet. He isn't, so I quickly go to his room.

"Ranboo, what are we doing for the stream?"

"I was thinking just mess around on the SMP and make some traps. Then maybe a Q&A. And halfway through the Q&A, you can surprise everyone by coming in, if you want."

"Okay, sounds good." I'm feeling slightly better since talking with Phil. He made me feel better and forget about everything for awhile. I head back to my room and just run around on the SMP. I see Puffy rebuilding the Community House after she accidentally blew it up because of Fundy's stupid button. I'll admit that it was funny. But the community house was special.

I squat and look at her. She mimics what I do, then I run to my base while she continues fixing the building.

Im just reorganizing my chests when I hear the sound of someone joining my VC.

"Hey, Y/N. Say hello to chat." Ranboo's voice is clear and smooth.

"Hey chat!" I say in a cheerful voice. I have Ranboo's stream pulled up on my phone and I see all positive comments. His chat is so sweet. "So who are we harassing?"

He laughs. "You're like the devil in disguise. You went from sounding so sweet to evil. But how about Fundy?"

I blush. "Hell yeah. That man causes too much chaos."