I'm Sorry (RanbooxReader)

Part 4: Secrets Don't Last

After a good hour of pointless conversation, Ranboo and I decide to head back.

When we get back, Wilbur is waiting for us. Why can I never catch a break?

"Y/N. You need to talk to us, at least let me in." Wilbur pleads with me.

Ranboo gives me a questioning look, but I tell him that I'll be fine. Apparently everyone else had gone to bed. Ranboo nods at me, and heads to his bedroom.

"Wilbur, you should get some sleep."

"Not until I get an explanation."

"Fine, you want to know what's happening? I hate myself! I hate my life! I wish I were dead. My dad is constantly drunk and hitting me. I have to take out my emotions on myself. My mom and sister were the glue of the family, but they died. I would have been the one to die that day! I was going to pick up the groceries, but instead I decided to stream. I'm the reason they're dead. I'm the reason my father is drunk and hates me. And I just can't take it anymore." I try my best not to yell.

"I just can't anymore, Wilbur." The sentence is barely audible. So much for building up my walls.

Suddenly, I'm being pulled into a hug. I flinch immediately with the contact, but he has no intent of hurting me. My eyes water, but no tears will come out.

"Its s-so hard." My words are muffled by the hug.

"I know. Its going to be okay."

But the thing is, he doesn't know. He doesn't. I want to be die so badly. I've held those pills in the palm of my hand, debating it. But I didn't. Why? I don't know yet. I just felt like I couldn't.

I finally pull away from the hug to see Wilbur crying.

"Don't cry! It will all work out eventually." I feel terrible for making him cry. I made him cry. God, I hate myself.

"I can't imagine a life with you gone," he says.

I can, but I don't say it. They would all be happier if I did. One less piece of shit to worry about. "I'm sor-"

Just then, Tommy walks into the kitchen. His eyes widen at the sight of Wilbur crying. "What did you do to him?" He half yells.

"I- I didn't do anything." His raised voice reminds me of my dad. It gets a little harder to breath. I just shouldn't have come to the meet-up. I should have stayed home and endured the lessons my father taught.

"Toms, she didn't do anything." Wilbur says in an assuring voice to Tommy. He still looks suspicious but drops the subject. Grabbing a bottle of water, he heads back upstairs.

"Get some sleep, Wilbur. And forget everything I said. Please."

Tommy's POV

"I can't just forget that. You're being fucking abused.." I hear Wilbur trail off while talking to Y/N.

Abused? That's why he was crying. Great, now I feel and look like a dick. But its not my fault I'm protective of Wilbur. I guess that's the reason I'm hiding behind the wall..

"I'm not being abused. He's doing it because he loves me, and I need to learn my lesson." Y/N says.

I can't believe what she's saying. How can anyone believe that that is what love looks like? Does Ranboo know about this? I assume so because they're close and everything. But what if he doesn't? I know he likes her. He should know about this before he pursues anything though.

I should talk to him about this soon. I should also go back to bed now.

Y/N POV

After everything, I just decide to go to bed. I'm not going to get much sleep. But I should at least try.

I slip into the large bed with Niki. I stare at the wall while I lay on my side. Tears swim on my eyes, but won't fall. I can't let them. I already showed enough weakness today.

I decide to put my earbuds in. I shuffle my playlist and "what the hell happened" by ked plays:

Vodka disguised as water in her bottle on her desk
Blacked out in the girl's bathroom, missing her math test
She wasn't always like this, so what the hell happened?
I tried to express my concern, but she just started laughin'

She used to care, she used to try, she used to get good grades
The marker she used to draw on herself with turned to blades
Sex with random guys in the back of their cars
Walking back home in the cold, alone in the dark

She wasn't always like this, so what the hell happened?
Whenever I express my concern, she starts laughin'
I wanna know how you're supposed to help someone
Who doesn't want your help 'cause they think their life is done

Moved away from her hometown many years ago
I wonder how she's doing now, I truly wanna know
Is she doing better? Has she fixed her harmful ways?
Or is she underground, laying lifeless in her grave?

She wasn't always like this, so what the hell happened?
Whenever I express my concern, she starts laughin'
I wanna know how you're supposed to help someone
Who doesn't want your help 'cause they think their life is done

I wish I could do something, I wish I could help her feel
I wish I could let her know she doesn't have to sign the devil's deal
I wish I could help her understand this doesn't have to be the end
I wish I could tell her all of that, all of that as her friend

She wasn't always like this, so what the hell happened?
Whenever I express my concern, she starts laughin'
I wanna know how you're supposed to help someone
Who doesn't want your help 'cause they think their life is done

No, n-no, I'm fine
I am, I'm fine, I'm- seriously, it's alright
I promise, I'm fine (for whatever fucking reason right?)

Maybe I'm not supposed to be on this Earth. God obviously made a mistake with me. My viewers only watch me because I stream with the others. I'm nothing.

My eyes shut with that final thought in my head. I'm nothing.

.......

I shoot out of bed with sweat on my forehead. Niki looks at me with worry lacing her face. "I was just coming to wake you up. Breakfast is ready. Are you okay?"

"What, yeah. I just had a bad dream is all. Ill be down in a minute. I have to take a shower real quick."

"Okay. Oh, and you have to eat one pancake. And no using the bathroom afterwards. Understood?"

"Yes."

"Great." She walks back downstairs.

Great, I think to myself sarcastically. I hate me.

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A/N: If yall are struggling, please reach out to someone. You deserve to get better💕