I'm Sorry (RanbooxReader)

Part 20: Mom?

Wilbur's POV

Damnit. I thought she was getting better. We have to leave in around a week, and she just had a major panic attack. I mean, she will be living with Dream and Sap. They'll help her. I know they will. But I wish I could still help or take her with me. But I won't be able to.

And Ranboo... he has to go home too. This is going to be hard on all of us. Not just because we're leaving Y/N, but because we're leaving our whole family. The Dream SMP is like our home away from home. I mean, Tommy and Y/N are what get me out of bed everyday. I'll always think of them as my brother and sister. But I don't want to cry, so I'm not going to say it out loud.

"Dream, a word. Please?" I call out to Dream in the living room.

"Sure." He follows me.

"Y/N just had a really bad panic attack."

His face drops. "Oh."

"Yeah, I was thinking that maybe she should see a professional. I dont want her to fall back into bad habits."

"Yeah. I'll call someone for her."

"Okay, thank you."

I walk back out of the room and try to find Tommy. Maybe he wants to stream with me. We haven't done that in awhile.

Y/N POV

A notification caused my phone to ping. Wilbur went live. Oh, I miss streaming.

I used to stream quite a bit. The last stream I've done was... I don't even remember. The last time I was on a stream was Ranboo's when we sang together, I think. Oh, and we put the foxes in Fundy's base.

I click onto Wilbur's stream. Apparently, he was doing the Skyblock Randomizer Challenge with Tommy.

They're such a good duo. I wish I was part of such a good duo.

Soon, his chat starts to notice my presence. Sometimes I hate when people check who is watching.

I type "hi chat" in the stream and watch as they go crazy. Damn, I miss some of the fandom.

After awhile longer, I exit the stream. I look up, "is Marijuana legal in Florida?" Apparently, medical Marijuana is, but recreational is illegal. Damnit.

But... does anybody actually care? I look up medical marijuana card examples. I copy one of them and put my editing skills to work.

After an hour of work, I look at it. It looks pretty damn close to the examples. I'm not going to use it yet. But if times get hard, I'll have it.

"Dinner!" Quackity yells through the house.

My stomach clenches at that. I want to eat, but I also caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror earlier... And I looked terrible.

I make my way downstairs. Every time that I took a step, I could feel my thighs touch. It annoyed me so much. Why couldn't I be skinny?

I sat down at the table and looked at the food. Grilled chicken, mashed potatoes, and green beans. Did they want me to get even fatter? I can just imagine the number of calories in the potatoes.

I put a little bit on my plate. I quickly look around to see that everyone was focusing on their own meals and conversations. Nobody was paying attention to me.

So, what? I have a panic attack, and I'm instantly okay again to eat dinner afterwards? That's not how it works.

Looking at the food, knowing that I have to eat some of it, makes me want to cry. I've already had breakfast and lunch today. I've had way more than I should have.

I shovel a piece of chicken into my mouth and almost throw up then and there. My brain wants me to evacuate the food as quickly as possible. To not let the calories be digested. To not get more fat. To not be a disgrace.

I force down a couple more bites before getting up from the table and throwing my paper plate, with food still on it, away.

As I walk back upstairs to my room, I notice that nobody even acknowledged my departure from dinner. Maybe I was never anything to them. I mean, nobody ever cared. Right?

Even Ranboo didn't spare me a glance... Ranboo didn't even say anything to me.

I make my way into my bathroom and eject all of the food I had just ingested.

They all leave in a week. What was I going to do? My parents and sister are dead. I'm essentially an orphan. Well, tomorrow, I'll be 18. Legally, I'll be an adult.

I guess I'm meant to buy my own apartment and what not. I can't deal with this. Do I even have enough money to? Probably, but I don't know.

I flush my dinner down the toilet and lay down in bed. After watching an hour of YouTube, Niki comes in the room, followed by Wilbur.

I understand why Niki came in. We do share the room, but Wilbur didn't need to.

I internally sigh and continue watching Sykunno's Among Us video.

When I realize that they aren't leaving, I look over. They're both looking at me.

"What?" I ask, concerned.

"Really? That's all you've got to say?" Wilbur asks me.

"I don't know what you want me to say." I'm genuinely confused.

"How about, 'Wil, can you please help me? I had a panic attack earlier and barely ate dinner.' That would have sufficed." I gape at him. So he knew I didn't eat a lot. But he doesn't know that I purged.

"I-I um.." I stutter to come up with a response.

"Y/N, you have to talk to us. We won't know how to help, if you don't talk to us." Niki says in her soft voice.

I start crying. "I don't want to be broken anymore."

You're not broken.

"Get out of my head." I start crying harder. "You're not real."

"Who's not real? Y/N?!" Wilbur asks.

"My m-mom. In my head."

Breathe, honey. Breathe.

I think about holding my breath just to spite her. But I never hated my mom, in fact, I loved her.

So why am I trying to fight her on this?

I just want to help.

"Okay, okay." I mutter. I take deep breaths to calm myself. I can do this.

"Here." Niki's voice breaks my train of thoughts. She's holding out a water to me. I take it.

"Sorry." I look away and drink.

"You don't have to apologize. I'll always be here for you." Wilbur says.

That's a lie though. Pretty soon, everyone will be leaving. Everyone will leave me.

I shake my head.

"Are you okay?" Wilbur asks.

Did he seriously just ask that. I laugh inside my mind. As if I could ever truly be okay. But the words still tumble out of my mouth.

"I'm okay." My mask forms back onto my face. "Thanks for helping."

_______________________________________

A/N: I'm sorry for the late update. My mental health hasn't been great lately. I'm in a lot of drama that I wish I wasn't in.

But I hope you guys are doing okay. Make sure to eat and drink. Get some sleep too. I love you guys. 🤍