Through Your Notes

Saturday

Saturday

12.08 a.m.

I don’t know what I am up to.

I walk into the diner.

My eyes roam around the diner.

You catch my eyes.

My breath starts to quicken in anger.

Tears start gathering in my eyes.

You are talking.

You are smiling.

You are laughing.

With her.

I hate myself. What am I doing here?

You see me.

I look away. I wipe my tears.

I run out of the diner.

I hear you calling me but I choose to ignore you.

Because it hurts.

It hurts to look at you.

“Klara!” You holler. “Klara, hold up.” Your voice gets louder. “Klara Miller!”

I run faster.

But, you’re a guy. You are taller and faster.

You stop me from running.

You stand before me with your hands on your hips. You pant, trying to catch your breath.

I hate myself for thinking of hugging you.

Because I missed you.

Even though you’ve hurt me, badly.

“Hey, you all right, Klara?” You ask, still panting.

I look at my feet, playing with my fingers, trying so hard to stop the tears.

“Klara?” You step forward.

You try to put your hands on my shoulders but I slap your hands away

“Don’t touch me.” I shriek.

“Klara, what’s wrong?” You ask, concerned.

“What’s wrong?” I scoff. “You tell me what’s wrong!”

I walk away.

“If I know what’s happening, I would.” You say.

I hear your footsteps nearing me.

You put your hand on my shoulder.

“Klara.” You whisper. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

You turn me around. I hide my face in my hands, sobbing.

“Klara.” You whisper.

It sends shivers down my spine.

I am supposed to be angry at you but you’re making me weak.

I should be angry at you.

For leaving me.

“Tell me what’s wrong.” Your voice soft.

You try to put my face in your hands but I jerk my face.

“K.” You call me ‘K’.

   I got weaker.

“Why are you so stupid, Nathan?”

“What?”

I wipe my tears away.

“Can’t you see that I want you for myself? Don’t you see that Annie is trying to take you away from me? Why are you so oblivious to all these? She has been trying to take you away from me. She’s been trying so hard and yet you can’t see. She isn’t nice. She talks bad about me behind my back. She likes you. She doesn’t want me to be near you because she wants you for herself. She has been doing this to me for a long time. She takes everyone away from me. Whenever I got closer to a guy friend, she would snatch him. You went out with her without telling me. She lied. She fucking lied! She never told me we were going out. She doesn’t want me to be around because she likes you. It’s so unfair. I met you first. I introduced you to her. You are supposed to be my friend, not hers. I want you for myself. Why does she always do this to me? Why?

“What happened to our midnight getaways? Just because she asked you out, you decided to ditch me? I know we’ve only met for a week. I know it’s stupid to like someone I have just met. But, I can’t help myself. I want you for myself because you found me. You saw the agony I go through behind my smiles. You knew I was pretending. You knew I was hiding. I have been dying to stop hiding and then you walk into my life and you make everything so much better even though it’s only been a week. You don’t know how glad I am that I have met you.

“Why didn’t you reply me? Why didn’t you call me? I was waiting. I lock myself in my room. Because I have to accept the truth that maybe, just maybe you’ve been hanging out with her and you forgot about me.

“I regret being friends with you, Nathan. I wish I have never met you. Then, Annie wouldn’t even have to try to take you away from me. I could have easily continue hiding. Because things are so much better when I hide. Things are better when I hide and pretend like I’m okay. You promised you won’t leave but you did, just like mum did.”