Steel Hearts

- 24 -

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE ATTEMPT & ABUSE

Tony was correct when he said the collar would be turned back on. My brain was shoved into a blender and it felt like someone had thrown a plugged-in toaster into a bathtub full of water. Sure, he had ensured that General Ross didn't hear his conversation with Sam.  He didn't trust any of us anymore and neither did we. I didn't trust myself to not do anything that might further my time in prison.

I curled into a ball in the furthest corner of my cell, not so silently weeping due to the pain and inner turmoil. I needed to know why my father sent the Winter Soldier to kill my mother and I needed to know if the world could still trust me to be a hero after this was all said and done. Maybe I needed to embrace who the public obviously thought I was.

Steve was my person. The one that made me open up even if I didn't want to. I didn't feel the need to hide anything from him. He made me feel safe and at home. I felt at peace around him. He made me proud of who I was and who I could be. But knowing now that Tony of all people saw me as dangerous, all of that changed in an instant. I didn't want to admit it, but I resented Steve for going through and leaving with Bucky. It was something I didn't want to feel, but I did anyway. The longing for the peace and calm that came while being in his presence didn't even begin to remotely describe how I felt.

Dark thoughts that hadn't been in the forefront of my brain for almost a decade were suddenly forced to be the only things I could think of. All of the awful things that I had wished I had done years ago danced across my closed eyelids vividly, painting a gruesome picture. I wanted to do those things. I longed to do those things. To hurt all of the people who had hurt me. To hurt my father for creating me. A monster of its own design. One that didn't need to worry about being hurt anymore. I could protect myself. I could make myself significant. I could be the powerful person I wanted to be because the only thing stopping me was myself.

I was so stuck within the spiral of my own mind that I hadn't noticed the electricity from the collar anymore. A deep violet glow had slowly started to encompass me and suddenly, I was falling.

Free falling, plummeting, surrounded in what could only be described as mirrors in the dark. It was terrifying but also incredibly freeing at the same time. I was no longer in the prison. Landing harshly in a ditch at the side of a road, tumbling to a stop when I hit a large tree.

Slowly pushing myself upright, I lean against the same tree and survey my surroundings. Everything looked mirrored, but I recognized where I was. I couldn't put my finger on it, but it rang a bell. Looking down at myself, I was in the suit Tony had made me.

"Eleanor," a soft voice rings in my ears from behind me. Scrambling to my feet, I turn around and see a tall and lean brunette. My mother.

Shocked and rendered almost speechless, I breathe with my mouth agape, "Mom?

She nods, stepping forward to place her hands on my face, "It's been a long time, Sweetheart."

I was frozen, as much as I wanted to move I couldn't. My mind was racing and suddenly I couldn't breathe. Tears pricked at my eyes as my knees buckled beneath me, sending me to the ground. "What's going on? Where am I?"

The woman knelt down in front of me, placing a hand on my knee. I swat it off, shoving myself backward in the dirt as far as possible before backing up against the tree. Shoving myself to my feet again, I stumble away, "Don't touch me! Who are you and why do you look like my mom?"

She looked genuinely hurt, the corners of her mouth turning down and her brow furrowed, "Eleanor, please-"

"No! Explain to me how I'm here when I was just in a prison cell not even two minutes ago!" I shout, hands now glowing a violent purple. Her eyes widen in my sudden rise in tone before holding a hand out to me.