How do you live when nobody wants you to live?|| Wong Yukhei

Because

Because he was scared.

Because he was lost.

Because he couldn't trust anyone anymore.

Because he was terrified of his reflection.

...because he wasn't him anymore.

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He was afraid for Xuxi. With every passing day, more concerned for the tall boy whose strong figure was now so, so small. He didn't know if it was because of the way Xuxi now held himself, shoulders hunched over, head down, hair messy, eyes tired, but every time he looked at him, he worried.

They were at the dance studio, the comeback approaching speedily, faster than how he wanted considering the strain evident in the other member's features and movements.

His own tiredness making itself evident from time to time when his muscles ached, and his head pounded. When he had to close his eyes so that they focused. When his knees buckled under him.

His own exhaustion wasn't what concerned him, though. He knew his limits, knew when to stop and take a rest, knew when to sit down and breathe. He knew the others did too, or so he thought.

It was not the first time this month that Xuxi stayed back to practise once they were all leaving. Actually, if he really thought about it, Xuxi hadn't come with them for almost two months now, always coming home at unholy hours of the night. 

It was worrying, to say the least.

Kun had spoken to him one day, telling him how it was not healthy for him to practise so much, how his body needed rest and care. That he wouldn't fall behind if he missed a day or two. That he needn't be perfect, just good, and he was already great, so 4 or 6 more hours of practise weren't necessary.

Xuxi had stared at the floor the whole time, just nodding when Kun finished talking and when it was over, he stood up and left the room.

He was worried...no,  they were worried.

He had started paying more attention to the little details in Xuxi's behaviour. He had noticed the sad look on his face whenever they were all gathered with the rest of NCT. Seemingly analyzing everyone, one by one, to finally look at himself with an expression so sad it made him want to cry just by watching.

He had noticed how the boy's smile fell off once he thought no one was looking, transforming into a sour expression that he wasn't familiar with.

He noticed how he hesitated before approaching any of them, a wariness he had never experienced from someone like Yukhei. The boy's wariness made  him cautious too, not because he didn't want to hang out or approach Xuxi but because the boy just seemed so fragile  these days, he felt as if he blew too hard the other may fall.

Out of all of his discoveries, there were a couple of instances that had him truly worried.

He himself was one to look in the mirror and check himself out from time to time, examining the improvement he had done with a new exercise routine, or simply looking but, what Xuxi was doing was different .

He could see how different it was in the way Yukhei stretched his clothes slightly to look at his ribs when he thought the others wouldn't notice. In the way, he would wrap his big hands around his arm and try his hardest for the tips to touch...the long fingers came closer every time he saw.

It was in the way his eyes would linger on his figure for more time than necessary and the way an expression of disgust covered his features after.