How do you live when nobody wants you to live?|| Wong Yukhei

The Art of Giving Up

Didn't I tell you you wouldn't have to wait long for the last chapter???? muaahahha

This chapter was inspired by the song Hold On by Chord Overstreet

Enjoy!!

He heard the members waking up from their slumber. His name being called once, twice, just like the night before. Their voices were rough, the cold of the night affecting them, and a pang of guilt churned in his stomach.

The shower was still running, masking the sounds of their rushed footsteps, of his heavy breathing, of his whispered apologies.

He spoke loudly when he heard Kun's footsteps approaching the bathroom, his steps slow, tired.

"I can't do this anymore ge," he said, the tiniest of smiles decorating his features.

There was silence from the other side of the door for a second before Kun's voice resonated through the now almost silent dorm.

"What do you mean, Xuxi?" fear seeped through his tone. He could tell the other members were also close to the door, their silent whispers coming through.

He stayed silent, just listening to the voices of those who he has loved the most, of those who he has spent sleepless nights with, of those who he has cried and laughed with, of those who have loved him the most, of those who have tried.

...Of those who simply weren't enough for him to stay.

"What can't you do anymore, Xuxi?" Kun's tone was more frantic, Xuxi noticed. He must have stayed silent for longer than he thought, Xuxi mused.

"Live, ge," he paused, taking a deep breath while moving the blade in his hand, "I can't live anymore, ge," the use of the word felt cruel. Calling Kun 'ge' when he knew he would disappear soon.

Suddenly, there was banging on the door. Screaming for him to open it, for him to come out, for them to talk this out because " you don't need to do this!"

But he does. He does need to do this. He has to disappear because can't do this anymore. Believe him, he has tried. With all his might, he has tried, and with all he has, he has worked. He has screamed and cried and cut and starved and, he can't do this anymore.

"Please, please, please open the door, please. Xuxi, I'm begging you just," a pause, a heavy breath, a poorly hidden sob and finally, "Please open the stupid door," Kunhang whispered. That was one of the only times Xuxi has heard Kunhang swear. He laughed a little at the thought. It was so stupid, so trivial to think such things while a shiny blade hung on his fingers.

For a second, he thought about opening the door, about letting them take the blade away from him, about telling them of all the pain he's been enduring, the pain that he has inflicted on himself. For a second. It was only a second and, then, it was gone.

He couldn't open the door. Couldn't tell them just how weak he was. Couldn't let them see just how much of a failure he really was.

Couldn't open that door.

His legs were stuck to the tile floor, and his hands moved to adjust the blade to the position he wanted it in.

A series of memories flashed through his mind, and he wondered distantly if this was what people talked about when they said: "life flashes before your eyes when dying."